Enlightened Justice

(16)

Just went into the living room and found Jay Leno making jokes about the recent female teacher/14 year old male student sex scandal. The lovely teacher got no 'jail time' for her 'sexual crime.'

I thought, 'Wow! The Judge must have been male!'

'And not only male but intelligent!'

It is very true, folks, that 'Mature Male on Immature Female' crime is horrendous. That much is true.

It is also true that 'Mature Female on Immature Male' crime is much less so. In my opinion there is no comparison and therefore there should be no comparable punishment. Here was an example of an 'enlightened judge' administering an 'enlightened punishment.'

Bi-directional Conscience

(15)

That about ends my interests for this week, but I find myself still sober enough to continue. This fact is certainly due to my failure to imbibe any whiskey. Yet. I began with a Natural Light as Kootch and I did Millionaire, then I finished Kootch's bottle of BAREFOOT, and now I find myself on the eleventh beer. I am absolutely certain that I will be able to finish the entire 12-pack before 2300.

But my conscience nags at me: have I bushwhacked you, innocent reader, with 'sophisticated philosophy?' Serves you right. You should have learned philosophy when you were in high school.

But conscience still nags: am I letting you idiots out there slip by more or less unslapped?

SLAP! Conscience works both ways. Take That!

No Hate

(14)

Lastly there is 'The God of the geniuses.' This god too, is lacking in some sense. This god lacks a 'right brain.' This is a 'left brained god.'

This god is absolutely without emotion.

This god created the Universe, then lost interest. The result is what we are living today. This god abandoned Our Universe and now we are stuck with it. It is up to us to figure out whether there was any 'point' to it all.

No Love

(13)

Proceeding in the 'right direction' we come to what I have called, 'The God of the Idiots.'

This god lacks logic. This god is an emotional god, a 'right-brained god.' This god has no 'left brain.'

This god sees only black and white.

This god enjoys tormenting his devotees with thoughts of hellfire. There is no love in this god.

Father and Executioner

(12)

Based on that categorization I think that we can roughly outline the 'God Styles' of the three categories. These 'God Styles' are very general, of course, and can be further broken down. In fact (and theory) these 'styles' could be broken down indefinitely to the point of individuality. I will now undertake to define the general 'God Style' of each group.

First, of course, must come the 'GS of the Majority.' (This is not to be confused with the 'BS of the Majority' or the 'Tyranny of the Majority.)

The God of the Majority resembles a conflicted ruler. He is both Father and Executioner. On the one hand He is 'merciful' and on the other hand He is 'just.' This God would as soon present you with eternal peace as with eternal torment. This God is without conscience. This God is the perfect representative of what I call, 'carrot and stick religion.'

Initial Categorization

(11)

First of all I think that we can categorize everybody into one of three categories: the idiots, the normals, and the geniuses. The 'Normals' occupy the vast center of the bell curve representing human intelligence and comprise approximately 70 percent of the population.

The 'Geniuses' occupy the left side of the curve and comprise approximately 15 percent of the population.

The 'Idiots' occupy the right side of the curve and comprise approximately the remaining 15 percent of the population.

All together, the Normals, the Geniuses, and the Idiots comprise approximately 100 percent of the population.

More God Styles

(10)

(If you detected bold in the previous post I assure you that it was not done by me. It was a demonstration of Judeo-faggot power, which apparently wishes to place itself on the Side of God. Sounds good to me.)

I must confess that I fall into the last category: 'I don't know and furthermore I don't give a shit.' You could label me a 'pessimistic Agnostic' but that definition would be incomplete.

So I was thinking about the various 'God Styles' in vogue nowadays. As I have said there are as many God Styles as there are 'people on the good earth.' That is my conjecture.

It is clearly impossible to describe every 'God Style.' So I have undertaken to place them all into a handful of categories which I will now define. You will find yourselves somewhere in one of those categories. I think.

Agnostic Categories

(9)

According to The very Old and odius Testament there is but one God. Furthermore that God has commanded us to ignore all other Gods in His favor. We all know that.

And yet we all make 'modifications' to that original god. These 'modifications' (or enhancements) are designed to 'humanize' the Old Bastard.

For some of us the god is mercy. For others the god is justice. For yet others the god is revenge. These are all legitimate aspects of 'the god of the vOoT.'

There are some of us who have no god. We have rejected the god of the voot. We may hold, as a theoretical possibility, that there is a god out there somewhere, but we don't think so. That is to say, we call ourselves, 'Agnostics.'

We don't fucking know.

There is a sub-category of agnostics: 'Not only do we not fucking know we don't fucking give a shit.' I would label this sub-category of Agnostics, 'The do-do Branch of Agnosticism.'

I belong to that branch.

God Styles

(8)

This brings me to the end of my 'obligatory comments' and into the realm of 'fun comments.' My fun subject for the rest of tonight (it is still not 1900!) is, God Styles.

There are shoe styles, pantie styles, coat styles, hair styles, life styles... and I could go on and on but you get the idea: there are also 'God Styles.' I claim that God is not exempt from the general category of human 'styles.'

I claim that there are actually 'many gods' not one God. I claim that each person 'personalizes' God according to his or her needs. I claim that there are as many gods as there are people on The Good Earth. Prove me wrong if you can.

Short Memories

(7)

I wonder whether the current mantra, 'As the Iraqis stand up we will stand down,' really holds water. Remember 'welfare reform?' The strategy - the political strategy - which pretty much ended welfare abuse was, in effect, 'As we stop paying, they will seek employment.'

The strategy worked.

I suggest a similar strategy for the Iraqi tar baby problem. It amazes me that the Republicans have yet to rediscover this strategy.

Unfortunately...

(6)

There seems to be two opposing strategies for exiting Iraq: the Sooner Strategy and the Later Strategy.

The Sooner Strategy says that, 'the sooner the better' because we are the fundamental irritant in a volatile situation.

The Later Strategy says that, 'the later the better' because it would be irresponsible to leave Iraq prematurely.

It seems to me that both views are more or less correct. Unfortunately.

The Tar Baby Question

(5)

This brings up the fascinating possibility that the prez was 'acting out' his deepest psychological problem: how to end the killing in Iraq. If I am correct here, then the prez has yet to realize at the conscious level that he really fucked up by invading Iraq. This bodes ill for us all, especially for YOU because I am only a fascinated spectator.

As I see it, the problem is, 'how to exit Iraq gracefully.' It is not only the presidential problem it is our problem. And not only is it our problem it is the Iraqi problem: how do we retract our unfortunate hands from this unfortunate tar baby with minimal consequences to both us and the tar baby? Good question.

Exit Strategy Problem

(4)

The most amusing video image of the week was that of the prez who, having finished a speech in Outer Mongolia (?), headed for the exit only to discover that the doors were locked. Apparently, the prez was so pre-occupied that he failed to remember that he should to go out 'by the same door wherein he went.' Finding both massive doors locked he 'came to attention' in the military manner while he thought about the situation, including not only where the fucking exit door might be but what he ought say to the media assembled there who were photographing his embarrassment.

I laughed out loud of course. I am not a true believer in the myth of 'high presidential IQ.'

As he made his way to the unlocked exit the prez came up with the lame, 'I was trying to escape.' And it was true. True but lame. Had the prez really been on his toes, so to say, realitywise, his line would have gone something like, 'A little exit strategy problem there, folks.'

The Flying Spaghetti Monster

(3)

I love Alan Boyle's Cosmic log Which you can find on the MSNBC web site under the sub-category tech/science. In fact, if I could only read only one blog this would be it. There was a recent article about a new kind of photography, which led to yet another blog site about something called, 'The Flying Spaghetti Monster.' Sounded intriguing so I clicked it.

I was absolutely delighted to discover a most amusing parody of modern Christianity. This (to me) very amusing site apparently sprang up in reaction to the recent debate over Darwin's astonishing insight. Part of my pleasure was seeing that I wasn't the only blogger who had a low opinion of 'modern' religion. It is not good to be entirely alone.

You must see this site to believe it! The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is an obvious reference to the 'Italian Church' (Catholic Church). As a former Catholic (now deprogrammed) I giggled a lot as I read the stuff on the site, but I can understand that if you are Catholic you might be a little 'put off' by it. You will probably love it if you're Jewish. Or maybe not.

A Metaphor?

(2)

Today (and also MSNBC) had an interesting piece in their 'Mysterious Faiths' series last week about 'The Tridentine Cult.' This unlovely little group follows a leader who pretends to be the 'true pope.' As I watched the piece it hit me that this cult was not too far removed from the real thing, that it was only a wild exaggeration in some respects. For example, this group scares children with 'devils,' in this particular case people dressed up like 'devils.' The idea behind this 'devil business' is to induce fear of 'disobedience.' And 'disobedience' includes 'critical thinking.'

It's an old story. Fear of devils and hell is fundamental to Christianity and probably to Judaism and Mohammedism as well. The Jews and Muslims go further: they not only scare their children with these stories, they mutilate them sexually, marking them for life as members of a birth sect. The Tridentine cult is a kind of metaphor for all of 'Western Religion.'

Fish Food

(1)

Kootch and I just finished watching (tap) Millionaire (on tivo). We both really love this show, and Kootch remarked that this one was even more fun than usual (probably because I began my first NL as the show started - I am a very fun drunk). I like to keep at least one show on tivo so that we can watch it any time. As we watch it I pause the tivo so that we can discuss each question and come up with an answer (or a guess). This kind of 'audience participation' is the secret of our fun. The Jewish queer upstairs always tries to 'horn in' with occasional 'taps' at 'strategic places' but we pretty much ignore him.

I had to laugh at last week's 'ultimimatum' to The Today Show, of course. If those lovely folks only did the kind of stuff I found interesting their ratings would tank immediately. Guess I forgot, temporarily, that I live in a world full of idiots, and that those idiots need to be fed.

Giving Thanks

(7)

Next Thursday is Thanksgiving. I recently read a piece by a rabbi (Newsweek?) about 'giving thanks.' The rabbi was obviously thinking, 'giving thanks to God.'

I thought, 'For what?' Circumcision? Mutilation? Hell? Purgatory? Limbo?

I have to admit that I have never given thanks to God, really. It is true that as a defenseless child I went through the motions of 'giving thanks' (Bless us O Lord for these Thy gifts which we are about to receive...) but it was only ritual, not heartfelt. When my childhood was over I stopped the nonsense of giving thanks, and over the years I got fatter and fatter. Apparently there is no connection between 'giving thanks' and gastronomical reward.

So nowadays when Thanksgiving arrives I look forward to the traditional annual turkey and stuffing and I never 'give thanks' because after all it is only a ritual and, 'What true god could appreciate such a dumbass ritual?' Especially in the face of massive starvation in, say, Africa. I always thought it obscene to thank a god who could not find it in his heart to eliminate human starvation.

So this Thanksgiving I will once again refuse to give thanks. I will eat turkey and dressing and gravy and potato salad and ice cream and I will not give thanks.

Kootch has advised me that this year she will be busy with football and that if I want Thanksgiving dinner I had better cook it myself. I suggested that she cook it on Wednesday instead. She agreed. I will assist her, of course, probably with the potato salad.

Shape up or Ship Out

(6)

Seems I'm non compos subjectivus at the moment. I'll go into the living room and watch The McLaughlin Group... Wow! Masterpiece!

They lost me about three quarters of the way through with the caption, 'Can you hear me now' but I must say that I enjoyed the dialog up to that point. As I watched the proceedings I wondered whether the term 'stay the course' was a logical term or an emotional term and I quickly decided that it was much more emotional than logical. This particular episode reminded me why I keep it on the 'to do list.'

Speaking of which I have deleted 'The 700 Club' from same. Pat Robertson is obviously incapable of any sort of creative changes in T7C and I finally arrived at the conclusion that that hour was totally wasted on my tivo. The Today Show is teetering on the brink. I am beginning to tire of wading through three hours of popular nonsense for an occasional nugget. Shape up or ship out, folks! I'll give you 'til the end of November...

Friendly Bombs

(5)

Happy birthday ann!

The Today Show had an interesting piece on DNA today. Spencer Wells (The Genographic Project) explained how DNA could be used to trace ancient migration patterns. Kattie, Matt, Ann and Al all contributed their DNA to the cause and were 'typed' accordingly. I found this piece very interesting in the midst of a desert of cultural trivia. As I watched the piece it hit me that this blew the hell out of the 'Tower of Babel' theory in the very Old and odius Testament.

Then there's the story of 'friendly bombs.' Seems veterans can not receive Purple Hearts if they have been injured by 'friendly' fire or 'friendly' bombs. This is a policy in search of instant reversal.

Nicholas Negroponte has been named 'Person of the Week' for his invention of the $100 laptop which is to be given to third world children. I loved it! I thought of it as the beginning, for those children, of 'freedom from god' (being gassed here: 0850 b 1 1 (l) burning). God is Enemy.

Lastly there was a story that the CIA is using rap 'music' as torture: they play M&M to the unfortunate detainees in order to soften them up. I always suspected that rap would have that effect. Keep up the good work, boys!

The Oedipus Complex

(4)

Speaking of which, I need another beer. Standby... Ahh, I can tell you that Miller is just a bit less bitter than Natural Light, and 'warmer.' I bought a 32 ounce bottle of Miller today at King Soopers anticipating that I would need it to replace the beer I drank last week. Sure enough: I have drunk the five remaining NLs. I bought the the bottle of Miller in remembrance of that glorious commercial which I saw again this week.

But enough of my little problems. Seems the Bush Administration has much worse problems. John Murtha, a Vietnam veteran and 'long term hawk' has recently called for 'redeployment' of US forces in Iraq. Murtha calls the current policy 'a flawed policy wrapped in illusion.' He might be right.

I don't think the administration appreciates the psychological aspects of this religious war. I think that George Bush took us to war in Iraq for oil, Israel, and 'Bush family politics.' I recently saw somebody on tv refer to what I call 'Bush family politics' as 'the Oedipus complex.' It rang a bell. Does George Bush, who can not, or will not, pronounce 'nuclear' correctly, have the slightest inkling of 'the Oedipus Complex?' Probably not.

Being 'remembered by history' is, of course, a motive which I didn't mention, but which must be taken as automatic. No matter what happens we will remember George W Bush as the initiator of this 'crusade' against Iraq and his father as the initiator of the first such war. I claim that the current president Bush is ABSOLUTELY INCAPABLE of admitting a mistake, and that we are doomed to die over there for three more years.

I use the word 'we' advisedly, of course. I only plan to watch it on tv.

Cheers

(3)

I admit that my conjecture concerning Kaiser Permanente's 'policy' regarding my unfortunate relationship with Walter Gerash is just that: (tap) conjecture. But there is no question that the 'policy' of the ACSD regarding same is real. In fact, ACSD detective Paul Goodman (pJ) told me that it was the policy of the ACSD not to investigage my claims of stalking and harrassment.

A few years ago I had a meeting with Goodman and another detective whose name I have forgot. I think he was a 'sergeant' (Goodman being a 'private'). When I told them I was being gassed by the neighbors they were incredulous. Goodman then changed the subject with, 'What about Massey?'

I related the story to them. Goodman then said to me (and the sergeant) that I had once said to Goodman that I had refused to take my prescribed psychiatric medication, the implication being that I was imagining the gassing, stalking, harrassment, etc due to my failure to take my medication. The 'sergeant' bought it. I called Goodman 'a goddamned liar.' Things went downhill from there and I soon saw the wisdom of ending the interview.

In fact I never told Goodman any such thing, and Goodman confirmed my suspicion that he was a Gerash 'mole.' Furthermore, this tends to link Goodman with Kosmiski (Kosminski?) through Gerash. Kosminsk, a Kaiser psychiatrist I met on my first visit to the Kaiser Looney Bin, did suggest 'medication' but I declined. As I recall, another Jewish 'psychiatrist' also suggested 'medication' many years ago but I declined that idea too (I prefer to prescribe my own brain medication).

Patient Profile?

(2)

You may recall that Dr. Massey (The Assey) actually had me arrested by the ACSD after a similar assertion by me. So I see a definite uptrend here. I wonder if the day will ever come when some intrepid Kaiser physician actually ventures to address the question. I doubt it. I think that Kaiser has a 'patient profile' (tap) area in each patient's computer file and that mine reads something like this:

'Patient has been diagnosed delusional by Kaiser. Claims he is being stalked by Walter Gerash a well known JEWISH LAWYER. May be dangerous to himself and others. Avoid discussing the subject if at all possible. Call the ACSD if he appears angry and frustrated. Be advised patient records all office visits on a voice recorder. Remember: Walter Gerash is a LAWYER. Patient is NOT. Walter Gerash is JEWISH. Patient is only half Irish.'

By the way, I learned from a pamphlet Kaiser gave me recently that Dr. Massey is the recommended primary care physician for HIV patients. This fits with my impression, based on my one and only visit with Massey, that he is a homosexual.

Am I correct that Kaiser has such a 'patient profile?' If so, that is outrageous. But I could be wrong. It could be that Gerash somehow 'got to' those physicians who worried about my gassey neighbors, and that they were only providing a service to Gerash based on a monetary 'gift.' There could well be other explanations too, of course.

A Kaiser Permante Novelty

(1)

After a slight correction to last week's posts I am ready once again to sally forth blogwise. I did not visit the ACSD this week but I did check in with Kaiser Permante. They did an ekg and listened to my lungs. Both tests (tap) were negative. I tentatively raised the question of whether the cause of my sudden lack of stamina could be 'gas related' (another tap). I explained briefly that I was being gassed by the neighbors upstairs and the reply was, 'I don't know what to say about that.'

I felt extremely foolish (tap) as I succinctly told him the bare bones of the situation. I was ready for anything, of course, and my voice recorder was running all the time. But his only reaction was, 'I don't know what to say about that.' I though his reaction very kind: the last two or three Kaiser physicians I told the story to immediately expressed concern for those neighbors who were gassing me, wondering whether I intended to do them harm. His attitude was a novelty.

I was impressed by his choice of words, 'I don't know what to say about that.' Did he realize he was on 'candid microphone?'

His advice was to ride my bike, and that if my stamina did not return, come back for a 'stress test.' I will do my duty and ride my bike.

Click

(13)

Well, folks, if you are an avid follower of this blog you know that the preceeding has been more or less a reprise of previous posts. So instead of going on and on and on... I will terminate this interview.

me: if I understand You correctly you are saying that the over-designed human penis has caused you immense problems and that your 'field change' was designed to cut down - so to say - on those unfortunate problems.
god: Exactly. I was - to put it mildly - overburdened by my inclination toward supervision.
me: Meaning?
god: I got tired of watching billions of people masturbate. I got tired of posting each and every masturbation offense in my notebook. I simply got tired of it all. So I invented circumcision.
me: I think I can understand that.
god: No you can't. May I go now?
me: Of course you can! Why are you asking my permission?
god: Click.

The Outfuck Problem

(12)

me: Does this mean that you know who Pat Robertson is?
god: The name rings a bell, but you must understand that my time is limited and I can't be involved with every tiny detail of your world.
me: YOUR time is limited!?
god: A law of physics. Fortunately.
me: Am I encroaching on that time even as we speak?
god: (laughing) Hardly.
me: To return to the subject, do You have any other example which troubles you regarding the question of Intelligent Design?
god: Yes! The thing which troubles Me most is the design of the penis. When I actually saw my first penis I went ballistic.
me: What exactly is your problem with the penis?
god: My 'problem' is with the HUMAN penis. It was obviously over-designed. Waaaay over-designed.
me: Forgive me but I've heard that about You. They say that you came up with a 'field change' so to say.
god: I did indeed. The Original Design Group had obviously over-engineered the human penis and I found a way to 'de-engineer it' so to say. I called my field change, 'circumcision.'
me: Did the change work?
god: It worked quite well. In fact it worked too well, if I may say so Myself.
me: Are you making reference to 'the outfuck problem?'
god: I am.

Testing... Testing...

(11)

Darn. I've finished my allotment of beer. I will now be forced to move on to the rest of my allottment of whiskey. Standby... I'm back, and in the interests of clarity I got another beer. It wouldn't do to make a fool out of oneself in front of God and everybody. The interview with God continued:

god: Look it up on Gogol.
me: Google?
god: I am getting the distinct impression that you are playing with me.
me: Actually I am half drunk and working on my blog.
god: Sounds reasonable, but I need an NGC number.
me: I don't think our galaxy has an NGC number.
god: Dumb. Any more questions?
me: Yes. We are struggling with the question of whether The Universe was designed by an intelligent entity. Could you comment?
god: I am wondering the same thing.
me: Could you elaborate?
god: The more I study The Universe the more I wonder whether the 'designer' was really intelligent.
me: Please continue...
god: Take the Duckbilled Platypus for example: is that an example of 'intelligent design?'
me: So you know exactly where we are in the universe.
god: Exactly. I was just testing you.

Limitations of the Brown Telephone

(10)

Well folks, as you can see, it is difficult to communicate with God. It is even difficult for ME and I have the Brown Telephone, you don't. If you've ever wondered how you could ever get a solid direct connection to God I am here to tell you that it is a real problem without the Brown Telephone. Popes have not been able to communicate with God! You can now see for yourselves that even with a Brown Telephone it is difficult to communicate with God. Why?

me: Earth is a planet.
god: Ahh! Where are you located?
me: About three quarters of the way from the center of our galaxy.
god: Which galaxy?
me: The Milky Way.
god: Is that a local name?
me: Yep.
god: What's the NGC number?
me: Beats the hell out of me.
god: I need an NGC number.
me: What's an NGC number?

Earth?

(9)

me: I was wondering what you think of Pat Robertson's recent pronouncements.
god: Pat who?
me: Robertson.
god: The name sounds faintly familiar. Can you give me another hint?
me: He runs the 700 Club.
god: Non Sequiter.
me: He lives in Virginia Beach.
god: Virginia Beach?
me: State of Virginia.
god: Are you being intentionally obscure? That is a sin, you know. I'll get you for that.
me: I take it that you have very little time for 'Earth matters.'
god: Earth?

Not Exactly

(8)

Which possibility brings us naturally to the question of God. Does God really exist? And if so does He intend to burn my sorry ass in hell for terminal insubordination? (being gassed here, 2019 b 4 1 lung gas (l)). We shall see. But in the meantime it hits me that this could be a great opportunity for another interview with God. So... I just now grabbed the brown telephone and dialed 666:
----------
god: Speaking...
me: Hi there Idiot. How's the weather up there?
god: Ten degrees.
me: Centegrade?
god: Not exactly.
me: Farenheit?
god: Not exactly.
me: What, then?
god: Kelvin. Why are you calling me?
me: Just testing the number (tap). This is a VERY neat telephone!
god: Can I go now?
me: Not exactly.

Stay Tuned

(7)

Which are significant, by the way. Prove me wrong if you can.

My faith in the VS has been shaken by the recent unprecedented nighttime (and daytime!) gassing attacks of 'skin gas.' These attacks have been congruent with a sudden recent decline in my energy. I am so energy defficient these days that I could not even climb the first hill on my '50 minute bike ride' a few days ago. Am I being poisoned (tap) by the increased gassing? I don't know, but my natural paranoia suggests that as a possibility.

This seems to be an auspicious time to bring my gas notes to the attention of the ACSD. I plan to do that next week (tap). I will keep you informed.

I have also arranged for an 'interview' with Kaiser Permanente. We Shall see... Stay tuned. You might get to be in on the announcement on this blog of my impending death!

I Pay the Energy Bills

(6)

After some experimentation with the furnace and the exhaust fans I was able to determine that the sign of 'furnace malfunction' was that hot air was exiting the 'alternate chimney.' From then on I used this indication as a guide to how well the chimney system was operating.

But I kept on getting CO alarms during wintertime. Sometimes when I checked the alternate chimney there was obvious hot air exiting the furnace into our environment. BUT, at those times the exhaust fans were off. I concluded that these occasions were engineered by person or persons unknown climbing up on the roof and blocking our chimney.

It was a natural deduction based not only of the physics involved but on the fact that over the years those same 'persons' had often got access to the roof where they would sabotage our air conditioner. I once climbed up there after an air conditioner malfunction and found that the power switch to the A/C had been turned off, so I know for an absolute fact that 'they' are not above that kind of sabotage.

Were they actually trying to kill me? I don't know.

Since then I have kept the CO monitor in Kootch's room. I doubted that I was in any kind of nocturnal danger from CO from our furnace given the massive airflow which the fan system produces. And in any case we always turn the furnace off at night to avoid wasting energy.

After all, I pay the energy bills.

Furnace Malfunction

(5)

All italics, of course, were the author's. I'm usually way too lazy for italics.

Which brings up to this week's awards. This week's 300 Club award is shared jointly by the State of Kansas and Pat Robertson. The Einstein award goes to the voters of Dover, Pa.

'CO incident' refers to a note in my gas log concerning another manifestation of Judeo-faggot mischief: furnace malfunction. I had been aware of a 'gas smell' for at least several minutes before it occured to me to check it out. I retrieved the CO monitor from Kootch's room (Kootch was out for the morning) and waved it around in my room. After a minute or two the device read more than 300ppm. The device usually reads zero. So I turned up the fans and the device returned to zero after several minutes. There have been no further incidents since, but these 'incidents' have a history dating back several years.

The very first time the CO monitor started beeping was the day Kootch left for Japan for her annual vacation. I had just installed exhaust fans in the living room and had turned them on that evening suspecting an extremely heavy gas attack on that occasion. The CO monitor went off sometime during the evening as I was at the computer. At first I thought that an attempt was being made on my life (us stalkees tend to be very paranoid). So I turned off the furnace and that solved the problem. We lived without the furnace for the rest of the season.

But one day, while the exhaust fans in the living room were at full power, I walked by the furnace and noticed an air flow OUT of the furnace door grill at about face level. It hit me then that the low pressure created by the exhaust fans had cause the furnace exhaust to exit from the 'alternate chimney' (for lack of a more technical term). This opening is located near the top of the furnace and is relatively cool during normal operation.

Veteran's Day, a Dubious Remedy, and Power

(4)

The Dateline piece recalls the recent scandal involving Catholic priests, and now we know what we all suspected: pedophilia knows no religion.

The History Channel had an interesting series on The Crusades this week which I found very entertaining. Did you know that the then pope promised instant paradise to whomever (being gassed here with lung gas - 4, 1) ended up getting their dumb asses killed? Too bad George Bush could not make same promise to his own 'crusaders,' being only the president, and not the pope.

Speaking of which today is Veteran's Day. I'm a veteran, sort of, so today is my day too. Happy Veteran's Day to us all! I must admit the during my eleven year tour of duty back in the '50s and '60s the worst enemy I faced was the clap. I eluded the clap but the crabs zapped me. There was an old joke going around in those days that the best treatment for the crabs was to shave one half of the pubic area, spray the other half with lighter fluid and light it, then stab the little bastards with an icepick as they ran out. I avoided this remedy.

For a somewhat curmudgeonistic view behind the real meaning behind Veteran's Day I refer you to, Finite and Infinite Games, by James P. Carse. I opened the book to the following quote:

'To speak meaningfully of a person's power is to speak of what that person has already completed in one or another closed field. To see power is to look backward in time.

'Inasmuch as power is determined by the outcome of a game, one does not win by being powerful; one wins to be powerful. If one has sufficient power to win before the game has begun, what follows is not a game at all.

'One can be powerful only through the possession of an acknowleged title - that is, only by the ceremonial deference of others. Power is never one's own, and in that respect it shows the contradiction inherent in all finite play. I can be powerful only by not playing, by showing that the game is over. I can therefore have only what powers others give me. Power is bestowed by an audience after the play is complete.

'Power is contradictory and theatrical.'

Too Jewish?

(3)

The Dateline piece showed a photograph of the unfortunate rabbi which the rabbi had allegedly sent to his prospective lover over the internet. The defining object was masked out, but the context suggested that it was a penis. Apparently the rabbi was quite proud of his fellatio talents. I wondered how the rabbi would have reacted to an uncircumcised 13 year old penis. Would he have immediately made the 'vampire sign' and run away? Or, would he have been totally entranced. I think he would have been mezmerized. I think he would have spend a lot of time slowly skinning that sucker back and forth, all the time muttering to himself, 'Wow!'

The rabbi wasn't absolutely certain that he was busted until he heard the fateful words, 'Dateline NBC.' The light dawned at that point and, looking like 'a deer in the headlights' he attempted to cover his face before fleeing ignominiously.

MSNBC had several later stories on the Dateline piece suggesting that at least one of the counties involved declined to prosecute (tap). I wondered whether the reason was that the prospective defendants were 'too Jewish.' Guess I'll never know.

Subliminal Message

(2)

The Dateline piece was about sexual predators, in this case the type who prey on teenagers. The segment I found most amusing was the one which snagged a Jewish rabbi who was trolling for sex with a 13 year old boy. I was shocked, shocked, when the rabbi admitted to Dateline's Chris Hansen that what he was doing at the 'boy's house' was, '...not good.' This is my very subjective opinion of course, but my impression of the unfortunate rabbi's dialog with Hansen is roughly this: 'Yes, it's true. I came here to suck a 13 year old penis. I now realize that this is not a good thing. I am repentant. I will ask God's forgiveness. And God, of course, being Jewish will forgive me. So can't we all just get along?'

Replying to the question of what he did for a living the rabbi said, disgustedly, 'I am a rabbi.' It was a simple truthful statement on the face of it, but to me it was loaded with what the rabbi hoped would be 'mitigating information:' 'True, I am a Jewish queer and a rabbi at that. That much is true. I am also a pedophile. But consider the mitigating factors here. I am an unfortunate Jew. Our people have been persecuted by many people for thousands of years. We have suffered enough. Think how embarrassed my people will be if my indiscresssion becomes public knowlege! Those long-suffering people will suffer yet again! So let's cut a deal here for the sake of the Jews. And Don't forget: Jews have immense power here in the USA. The charge of 'anti-Semitism' could well be the beginning of the end for your career.'

That's what I 'heard,' anyway.

Sleep Management

(1)

Once again I am forced to do this blog in the sleep-deprived state as Judeo-faggot forces continue their gas attacks against me. The US military calls this sort of thing, 'sleep management,' according to the most recent Frontline report (The Torture Question) which I finally got around to viewing today. The military purpose of 'sleep management' is to induce Iraqi prisoners to cough up 'actionable intelligence.' The Jewish purpose of 'sleep management' is probably somewhat more obscure.

I have the usual list here:

Dateline snags a rabbi
The Crusades
This week's awards
CO incident

By the way, if you were a bit confused by last week's spelling of 'existential' you will be happy to know that I have corrected it.

The Masturbation Anthem

(9)

I thought I was done for tonight, but after eating some meatloaf and sauteed veggies and watching the McLaughlin Group and doing my verbal comments on same I felt the need to call up my permanently saved copy of Andre Rieu Live from Dublin in order to once again hear one of my favorite tunes, Irish Washerwoman. I have always loved this particular tune for some reason. And as I sat there on the couch watching and listening it suddenly hit me why I was so attracted to it: Irish Washerwoman is the international anthem of masturbation. Prove me wrong if you can.

As far as I know I am the first person to suggest this, but before you reject my idea out of hand, so to say, I urge you to consider these clues:

1. The tune becomes faster and faster as time goes on.
2. The tune is entirely consistent with the rythm of masturbation.
3. It is an Irish tune and the Irish love it.
4. The Irish are uncircumcised and as a result they may well be the masturbation champions of the known universe.

Beyond those observations I can not at the present moment offer anything else. You will have to decide for yourselves, on the basis of what I have written above, along with your possible experience of having listened to Irish Washerwoman and perhaps having jerked off to that glorious tune, or not.

A Buzz is a Buzz

(8)

Which brings us mercifully to my last post for tonight: I have drunk my allotment of six 3.2 beers and one half-pint of whiskey and so I look forward to supper. I am about as drunk as I ever want to be, which is to say that I am drunk enough. I began this oddessy fairly sober knowing that it would eventually end in a kind of universal drunkedness, and I have arrived at that state, pretty much ahead of schedule. This disappoints me somewhat but a buzz is a buzz.

I will now sample the meat loaf I prepared earlier. Nighty-night.

Only My Opinion

(7)

The preceeding posts bring us logically to the question of what exactly is 'religion?' Does God enjoy our suffering? Is God going to burn our sorry asses in Hell after we die? Or are these concepts rather the inventions of the priests who profit from our fear? There is no question that 'religion is business.' There is no question about that. Pat Robertson, for example, makes a good living from his 'religion business.' And business is business. Is modern religion really a universal scam designed to fool the unsuspecting devotee who is seeking answers to existential questions?

I think so.

I think that as a result of this universal scam 'religion' has prospered and blossomed. I think that as a result of this universal scam infants are sexually mutillated. I think that as a result of this universal scam people all over the world have slaughtered each other for thousands of years.

This is only my opinion, of course.

Warming up to Blogger

(6)

I love it that I have finally figured out how to induce Blogger to represent my time zone correctly! It is soooo convenient to be able to select a new post and to see that Blogger has got the time right. I am beginning to warm up to Blogger in the emotional sense.

Two New Categories

(5)

Which brings us to a new feature which I have just now invented: The 300 Club. The 300 Club is intended to honor those 'persons of the week' who present themselves (to me as I watch tv) as the 'dumbest people of the week.' 300 kelvin corresponds roughly to room temperature, and that value was selected by me on the basis that an IQ which corresponded to roughly 300k was the defining IQ. This week's winner is none other than Pat Robertson (of The 700 Club).

I was also minded to create the opposite pole - so to speak - which would be reflective of the smartest person of the week. But it seems to me that the Kelvin Scale would not be appropriate. So I have resorted to The Einstein Club as title for this new feature. This weeks winner in that regard is, Ray Kurzwiel, author of The Singularity is Near, and The Age of Spiritual Machines, neither of which I have read.

I love the title, The Age of Spiritual Machines! What shutzpah!

By way of attribution I should mention that I saw the guy on Charlie Rose.

The Present Moment - The Meditative State

(4)

If I am correct concerning the original intention of the cilice, then I claim to have invented a much more pleasurable alternative: the underwear of the opposite sex. My experience has proved to me that nothing keeps me more 'in the moment' than wearing pink nylon panties, expecially when I go out into the 'real world.'

For example, when I do my shopping at King Soopers I always wear some form of women's panties. As I do my shopping I am constantly aware of my underpants. Furthermore I am aware that the vast majority of the men and women around me do not share my predelection concerning underpants and that they are most probably wearing conventional underpants.

Even furthermore I remain constantly aware, as I do my shopping, that I ought to be very careful when I bend over to grasp some or other grocery item, so as not to present obvious pantie lines to those women (and homosexual men) around me who might be interested in my butt.

The result of all this is that when I am shopping I am always 'in the moment,' not daydreaming about the future or the past. I claim that this state of being aware of the moment is the same state which the inventors of the cilice intended, butt which was perverted by Christianity.

The Purpose of the Cilice

(3)

Of the representatives who appeared on Today I found the priest to be the most credible, possibly because Catholicism is my background. But I had to laugh at the idea of the 'cilice.' The cilice is a device worn around the neck, the immediate purpose of which is to irritate the wearer. The priest seemed to think that the ultimate purpose of this irrating device was to cause such suffering in the wearer that God would be pleased. The idea seemed to be that God loved human suffering so much that He deducted a person's suffering on earth from the suffering to come in Purgatory.

Interesting idea: The sufferer 'offered up' his intentional suffering to God in supplication and God was duly pleased. But is that really the original purpose of the cilice? I think not.

I think that the real purpose of the cilice was much less sadistic. I think that the real, original purpose of the cilice was to make the wearer more aware of the current moment, to keep the wearer 'in the present moment.' It seems to be another Eastern Idea which migrated into Judeo-Christian religion and was erroneously interpreted in terms of Jesus' suffering.

Mysterious Faiths

(2)

The Today Show had a very interesting (to me) series this week on 'Mysterious Faiths.' I loved it. In fact, I had a totally glorious time 'commenting to my tv' about what I was seeing and hearing as I replayed those segments on my tivo. The subjects were, Mormonism, Kaballah, Scientology, and Opus Dei, which is a subcategory of Catholicism. (I just now blew my nose and found a potential 'Bible Booger' in the paper towel I used. Unfortunately there was no obvious blood in that booger, and so I discarded it. Had it contained some of my blood I would have pasted it inside my copy of the very Old and odius Testament. By the way: the most juicy Bible Boogers seem to have disappeared with my reduced blood pressure. They were plentiful in the old days before Kaiser Permante got my blood pressure under control.)

For what it's worth, the pieces on Mormonism, Kaballah, and Opus Dei pretty much exposed the usual nonsense surrounding these 'mysterious faiths' and I had a jolly old time watching them. But Scientology is new to me, so I was more interested in understanding it. Here is my assessment based on the interview: Scientology is a mixture of science fiction and religious fiction. It takes some of its ideas from L Ron Hubbards fertile imagination, Buddhist religion, Judeo-Christian religion, and possibly others. It is essentially crap.

Probably the best part of Scientology is the focus on 'self-study.' Apparently, if you study your self long enough you will reach a 'clear state.' This is an old idea stolen from Eastern teachings. There is nothing new in it. For example, I refer you to The Fourth Way, which is THE textbook for self-study. I doubt that Scientology can even come close to it.

An Embarrassing Moment

(1)

I just noticed that 'comments' are appearing on my blog. Surprise, surprise. I read a few of them and they are obviously another form of 'spam.' This may be another example of Judeo-faggot hackery. Comments are not welcome here. Your stupid opinion - whatever it is - is of no interest to me. I have done my best to turn off the 'comments.'

Which brings us to tonight's first subject. Seems that a preacher in Waco Texas was electrocuted last week as he was doing a 'baptizm.' Apparently he was standing in water when he grabbed a microphone which was not properly 'grounded.' It was an embarrassing moment: not only was the potential baptismee present at the event but others of the congregation were there as well. The baptizer presumably plopped into the pool and was saved from drowning by the congregation... to no avail, because the current had killed him. It was a great tragedy. Apparently the potential baptizmee was not affected by the current flow in the pool, just as you would expect.

I laughed out loud at this story which appeared on the national news, and I began to wonder how the True Believers in this unfortunate congregation 'made peace' with the fact that the 'laws of Nature' had trumped the 'laws of God' in such an unexpected and dramatic way.