Giving Thanks

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Next Thursday is Thanksgiving. I recently read a piece by a rabbi (Newsweek?) about 'giving thanks.' The rabbi was obviously thinking, 'giving thanks to God.'

I thought, 'For what?' Circumcision? Mutilation? Hell? Purgatory? Limbo?

I have to admit that I have never given thanks to God, really. It is true that as a defenseless child I went through the motions of 'giving thanks' (Bless us O Lord for these Thy gifts which we are about to receive...) but it was only ritual, not heartfelt. When my childhood was over I stopped the nonsense of giving thanks, and over the years I got fatter and fatter. Apparently there is no connection between 'giving thanks' and gastronomical reward.

So nowadays when Thanksgiving arrives I look forward to the traditional annual turkey and stuffing and I never 'give thanks' because after all it is only a ritual and, 'What true god could appreciate such a dumbass ritual?' Especially in the face of massive starvation in, say, Africa. I always thought it obscene to thank a god who could not find it in his heart to eliminate human starvation.

So this Thanksgiving I will once again refuse to give thanks. I will eat turkey and dressing and gravy and potato salad and ice cream and I will not give thanks.

Kootch has advised me that this year she will be busy with football and that if I want Thanksgiving dinner I had better cook it myself. I suggested that she cook it on Wednesday instead. She agreed. I will assist her, of course, probably with the potato salad.