Hangover Day?

(8)

gd: I presume you are talking about the Ten Commandments?
me: Right! How did you know!?
gd: Very funny.
me: Harris claims that over the centuries the punishments for sins against the Ten Commandments have been considerably diluted, to the point that nowadays those commandments are pretty much moot.
gd: Moot?
me: Irrelevant.
gd: Prove your hypothesis!
me: Sure you're ready for this...?
gd: Do it or hang up!
me: What is the punishment for calling you an idiot?
gd: A slap on the wrist?
me: Death: Leviticus 24:16.
gd: My, my...
me: And what is the punishment for working on the Sabbath?
gd: Sabbath?
me: Saturday.
gd: Hangover day?

Pussy Punishment?

(7)

The stuffed green peppers are in the oven, I am on my 10th 3.2 beer, and mister boom-boom upstairs is pounding the walls. All is normal. Which is to say that now is the most auspicious time to pick up the brown telephone and dial 666. Standby...
----------
gd: Speaking. You're on your 10th beer. Right?
me: Impressive as usual.
gd: Drunk again of course?
me: Of course.
gd: Ready for tomorrow?
me: Ready for tomorrow.
gd: why do you do this to me on Friday nights?
me: I'm reading a book...
gd: Uh-oh...
me: ...titled, 'The end of Faith...'
gd: This is worse than I thought...
me: ...by a fella name of Sam Harris.
gd: (censored)
me: Harris quotes some scripture from the VOOT...
gd: VOOT?
me: Old Testament. Harris claims that over the centuries Jewish religious practice has become more pussy-like, punishment-wise.

Back in the Old Days

(6)

In other words, the JCM approach is essentially dishonest, lacking integrity. It is a 'go-along, get-along' approach to one of life's most important questions, and while this approach has served the cause of stability and continuity over the centuries it has also enabled the most hideous religious excesses.

And so I applaud the Atheists, Agnostics, Deists, etc., who have had the balls to raise objections to Mindless Religion in every age and every culture. Where would we be without them? 1054 AD? CE?

I think we need to do another interview with God in order to make the matter clear.

Defending Atheism

(5)

This piece prompted me to write in defense of Atheism.

It seems to me that there are two major categories of Atheism, the CCL (couldn't care less) category and the IRI (intensive rational investigation) category. There may even be a HUH (huh?) category of Atheism, and possibly other categories (the Mad Tapper is going mad again as I type this) or sub-categories.

My take on the subject is that Atheists in general are getting a bum rap. I think that the Atheist - at least the IRI type of Atheist - is morally superior to the average Christian or Muslim or Jew.

I base my opinion on the concept that the IRI Atheist (IRIA) has arrived at his conclusion regarding the 'supernatural' only after an intensive in-depth consideration of the facts. Finding no 'facts' concerning the supernatural the IRIA has rejected the whole idea. It follows that the IRIA is prepared to accept the consequences of hiR conclusion whatever they might be.

Christians, Muslims, and Jews, on the other hand, are not so committal. Most of them accept the nonsense they were taught as defenseless children, buttressed by old and odious philosophy like 'Paschal's Wager.' This is not an admirable position, morally. It amounts to Kissing the Divine Butt - just in case.

Everybody has a Price?

(4)

But we did have a small discussion concerning 'human buyability,' which is the eternal question of, 'how much:' How much do you cost? What will it take to buy you? What is your price?

The discussion was quite brief, but I managed to get in the concept that the older you get, the higher your price. The idea was that the closer you get to your eventual death the less you value money. 'You can't take it with you.'

Everybody has a price: psychologists, psychiatrists, cops, doctors, neighbors... everybody has a price. If you have enough money you can buy anybody.

Except me. I don't have a price. You can't buy me. Kootch didn't dispute my claim.

Shocked!

(3)

Nightline had an interesting piece last night about cheating on the SAT. Seems there are a lot of 'hired guns' in the psychology (tap) business who - for a fee - are willing to certify you as 'learning disabled' (stomp) even if you are not. Armed with such a certificate you will be granted 50% more time to complete the test, a huge advantage over your fellow students. Nightline even did an interview with such a 'psychologist,' who's fee for such a phoney diagnosis was about $1500.00.

I was shocked, shocked, at this amazing revelation, of course; so much so, in fact, that I paged Kootch into the LR to watch a rerun of the piece. Kootch found it quite uncomfortable (boom) as well she should: it was at her suggestion that we visited the 'Kaiser psychiatrist' who first pronounced me 'delusional.' I claimed that it was a 'setup' from the beginning and implied that it was a Gerash 'mole' who 'gave her the idea.'

As usual, Kootch retreated into denial (boom) and I didn't press her on the matter. Kootch thinks emotionally (tap), not logically, and there was no point in doing so. It is virtually impossible to reason with Kootch and I don't try.

Don't Pray for me Argentina

(2)

Modern Science has recently put Religion under the microscope in the form of a study of the efficacy of prayer. The results of the experiment seemed to indicate that prayer can be counter-productive if the subject knows that sHe is being 'prayed for.' Otherwise prayer seems to have no effect one way or the other.

This result is interpreted in terms of stress: the 'prayee,' knowing that sHe is being prayed for by 600 people actually suffers from performance anxiety which leads to complications - or possibly sHe suffers from a form of hopelessness knowing that sHe needs (stomp above me) so much prayer. Interpretations of the result are, of course, problematic, but one thing seems to be clear: You do not want to know that a lot of people are praying for you...

Good News... Bad News...

(1)

O...K...

The good news this week is that Jill Carroll is finally free and safe, and apparently in good physical health. It was a pleasure to see her on tv again. The bad news, of course, is that she missed out on a golden opportunity to enter paradise and be with God. Darn.

And Abdul Rahman has escaped to Italy, which has granted him political asylum. More good news. But the bad news is that he too missed the same golden opportunity, another darn.

What exactly is it about 'being with God' that is so... repulsive to Christians? One wonders...

Did She or Didn't She?

(6)

I saw an interesting piece on the web recently which fitted with one of the subjects for tonight, 'The wet pants look.' The piece in question featured the picture of a female with a 'camel toe.' She was wearing jeans. It seemed to me at the time that the 'camel toe photo' was somewhat contrived: would not a blue jeans camel toe be actually painful to pull off? Maybe not. I could only speculate, not having the required equipment.

Then there was the recent piece on the national news to the effect that women's jeans had recently acquired a more modest waist line - above the pubic level. I applauded the idea. But then one day it hit me that my taste in women's jeans might be of interest to this blog. So here is my idea for a new sexy look for women's jeans:

Dye those jeans such that they suggest the possibility that the female wearer has wet her pants. The jeans in question should exhibit appropriate sublty - no garish butt outlines, only the suggestion of darker, wetter material between her legs viewed from the rear. The impression should be one of... uncertainty: did she or didn't she?

I claim that such a jean, subtly and appropriately marketed, would be a winner.

Secular Spirituality

(5)

CNN today also had an interesting piece on 'spirituallity' featuring the Dalai Lama. This particular piece concerned the idea of 'secular spirituality,' an apparent oxymoron. The interviewer was a British fella name of Richard Quest. The upshot of the piece was (in my opinion) that 'spirituality' is a human - not a religious - concept. That is to say that you can have a spiritual outlook which does not involve some sort of god.

In other words, you don't need god in order to experience true spirituality. Indeed, for some people god is a hindrance to that experience. I agree. I could never 'feel spiritual' in the 'presense of god.' God would creep me out as he read my mind, violating my privacy.

But I have felt extremely spiritual on those special occasions when I have done psychedelic drugs. LSD is the ultimate spiritual stimulant, in my opinion.

Furthermore I see such drugs as 'initiators of spiritual consciousness.' That is to say that despite all your good intentions it is possible for you to waste your entire lives looking for a truly spiritual consciousness - unless you have been fortunate enough to have experienced LSD or one of the natural analogues (Mescaline, Psylocibin, etc).

No brain (mind) is capable of withstanding the spiritualizing effect of LSD. But be careful... remember your mortgage...

The Insanity Solution

(4)

In the case of Rahman the prospective solution seems to be 'the insanity defense.' That is to say that whereas the Koran demands his execution, the prosecution in this case is now proposing insanity as a defense. This would be a sort of 'push the dirt under the rug' solution, saving the faces of all concerned: Rahman would walk, Sharia would be satisfied, American foreign policy in Afghanistan would last another day.

I find it interesting that Rahman (sort of my Afghani namesake) is to be declared insane for the sake of the prosecution. I can identify with that concept for some reason.

Whose Job is it?

(3)

Abdul Raman seems to have committed the unforgivable Islamic sin: religious conversion. This sin according to Sharia Law demands the death penalty, and even as I type this his case is making headlines worldwide. Americans (including even president Bush) are now wondering what, exactly, our soldiers died in Afghanistan to create: Sharia Democracy? And if so, what could that possibly be? Sounds... so... strange...

I've been reading recently about the Koranic attitude concerning conversion away from the Muslim religion (The End of Faith, pages 117-123) and the koranic quotations therein fit quite well with the notion that the Koran demands death as punishment for such conversion. (Interestingly, foreskin restoration is not covered anywhere in those verses, but it seems reasonable to assume that if The Prophet had heard of it, that procedure would also have been covered.) The inevitable conclusion, it seems to me, is that fundamentalist Muslim religion is incompatible with modern political notions of Democracy.

Does Bush realize this? Shouldn't he? He's the president. Isn't that his job? No?

Then whose job is it?

Scarborough Country

(2)

MSNBC is another favorite with me, and I even watch FOX at least once a day, in spite of the fact that it is Cheney's favorite channel. So I was a bit surprised to see the subtitle, 'Hate at Harvard' during the Scarborough Country show a day or two ago. Seems some folks at Harvard had published a paper critical of Jews, a truly horrible sin. What were they thinking?!

As I watched the fireworks, I was treated to, in order, Allen Dershowitz and David Duke discussing the offending publication against Jews. Wow! What a show! And I must admit that I became somewhat emotionally involved as I watched Dershowitz villify the authors of the paper in question as anti-Semites. This was right up my alley, so to say.

I later discovered the paper in question on the web and read it in its entirety. It was quite long and even at that had been somewhat condensed from the origional. As I read the article I found myself agreeing with most of what was written and furthermore could find nothing overtly 'anti-Semitic.' So why was Dershowitz frothing at the mouth? Why was David Duke so obviously pleased? Why was Scarborough in Dershowitz's corner?

Why Should the Devil Get All the Good Tunes?

(1)

I probably won't get through all the notes for tonight so I'll just list them:

----------
Religious Fantasy Personality Syndrome
the wet pants look?
Abdul Rahman - the insanity defense
Hate at Harvard?
Anti-Semitism: the Super Sin
Secular Spirituality
dual citizenship
----------

But first I'd like to repeat something I witnessed on CNN today: a fun poem. The scene was an interview with Mike Wallace and a female friend. Wallace proffered a 'funny poem' which I copied down. I'm not sure how the the writing should be arranged on the page, but I'll inprovise. The poem is by A. E. Stallings.

Why Should the devil get all the good tunes?

Why should the devil get all the good tunes,
The booze and the neon and saturday night?
The swaying in darkness, the lovers like spoons?

Why should the devil get all the good tunes?
Does he hum them to while-away sad afternoons?
And long loathsome sundays? Or sing them for spite?

Why should the devil get all the good tunes?

Sleep (boom)

(13)

I almost forgot: my reason for being early (thursday night instead of friday night) is that I got lots of sleep during the previous 24 hours. There is no other reason. I would have preferred to wait until tomorrow night. My gas log reads as follows:

03-15-06

up at 0645
0704 l 1 1 burning
0947 p 2 1 throat gas
1531 l 1 1 L burning
1542 l 2 1 R burning
1949 l 3 1 R "
2014 l 1 1 constant gas
bed at 2015

03-16-06

up at 1100 (gas 0030-0100, 0430-0930)
1119 l 1 0 R burning
1150 l 1 0 R burning
1237 l 4 1 burning
1238 l 2 1 "
1400 b 1 1 "
1628 l 1 0 "
2137 l 0 1 "

So my motive was quality. I trust you will agree with my decision.

Vulvas

(12)

Ok ok. One more beer, one more post. By the way girls, I just peed. My advice to you is to choose the opposite sex in the next life: it is sooo much fun to sink the toilet paper with a well-directed stream. You'll love it.

Hmm. The previous thought raises other reasons for a 'sex change operation' in the next life, now that I think about it. For example, you are issued a dick at birth. It might not seem like very much at the time but as you grow older you will begin to appreciate your dick. If you are lucky enough to escape ritual cultural mutilation (circumcision) you will really appreciate your dick about age 12 (a bit of RLG here).

Your dick will last you all the rest of your life and will be a constant source of sensual pleasure even in those times of inevitable emotional devastation. In fact, your dick will almost certainly save you from suicide or thoughts of suicide during troubling times. Generally speaking, dicks are superior to vulvas in that regard.

But how would I know that? I've never tried out a vulva... hmm.

I've fucked my share of vulvas... I've licked my share of vulvas (and by the way all vulvas taste the same: there is no racial difference in the taste (or smell) of vulvas).

I have also felt my share of vulvas, mostly with my left hand (my vulva hand) through nylon panties...

Glorious Music!

(11)

And that's only the beginning of a long list. The two I like most are the ones concerning potty training and the fear of god.

Time to wrap this up, as I sit here listening to the last movement of Beethoven's symphony number six. What glorious music!

I Could Go on and on But You Get the Idea...

(10)

How to...

Smoke Marijuana
Raise Marijuana plants
Mix booze and Marijuana
Do an LSD trip
Have a mystical experience
Have an allergy orgasm
Overcome your fear of god
Overcome your respect for:
the police
psychologists
psychiatrists
politicians
jews

My First List

(9)

Wikihow is certainly not a 'tongue-in-cheek' site. My take is that it is a serious attempt to convey useful information in the spirit of the information age. But for some reason my demented little mind seized on the idea that wikihow could be 'perverted' in the direction of sheer humor.

For example, I immediately thought of authoring an article titled something like, 'How to overcome excessive potty training.' As I thought about the proposed article I laughed and laughed. Then I began making connections from potty training to conventionality, to religion, to politics, to everyday life. The more I thought about it the funnier it became.

I know lots of stuff you don't know. It follows, of course, that you know lots of stuff I don't know. That is the genius of wikihow: you can confide in The Other even though you two will never meet.

As I explored wikihow I considered at least the following list of possible articles:

Something Outrageous

(8)

The previous post (7) 'did not publish' again but I shall continue. This brings me to what must be my last post until next Friday night: Wikihow.

You may have heard of 'wikipedia' which is an online encyclopedia which can be modified by readers. I love the concept!

Wikihow mimics this concept, proposing itself as an encyclopedia of 'how to do stuff.' I found the idea to be absolutely hilarious because of the fact that I know how to do some very outrageous stuff. At first glance this site appears to be a serious attempt to promote understanding, especially semi-technical understanding, among the masses. When this site is 'fully built out' you could theoretically go to it and find out, for example, how you could build an atomic bomb, or how to unstop the potty. This is valuable information!

But what interested me about the site was the idea that ordinary people like me would be able to tell others how they managed to do something utterly outrageous.

Faith Sucks

(7)

I appear to be back. We shall see.

If I may be permitted a short quote from Harris' book, then here it is from page 67:

'The men who committed the atrocities of September 11 were certainly not "cowards," as they were repeatedly described in the Western media, nor were they lunatics in any ordinary sense. They were men of faith - perfect faith, as it turns out - and this, it must finally be acknowleged, is a terrible thing to be.'

I agree. Faith sucks.

Note to Blogger: Indications in the 'create post' section suggested that the posts had indeed been published in spite of the 'errors.' But when I did the 'view blog' option those posts failed to appear. You need to fix this.

(6)

(5)

Boo!

Snakes

(4)

(3) refuses to publish for some reason, which I am not at all inclined to investigate. I suspect hackery, of course.

I've been doing some more Flight Simulator lately as an alternative to C-III. In the process I discovered the perfect scenerio for reading books: at flight level 270! So when the excitement of take-off and climb-out is over and I am cruising along on the AP and the scenery is more or less boring, I break out The End of Faith. As a result I have been able to get in some serious reading. In fact I have been able to go from approximately page 25 to page 102 is a few days.

I've pretty much confirmed that the author Sam Harris is Jewish, and this gives me a useful perspective from which to judge this book, which so far is edifying. Harris recently got into some of the most compelling history arguing in favor of his thesis. In fact, reading those pages pretty much confirmed my suspicion that my fellow man is a snake. His description of the Spanish Inquisition and the persecution of the Jews is difficult to read.

But the interesting aspect of it all is that 'faith' in some dumbass religion or other tends to enhance the snakiness. (By 'dumbass' I mean Judaism and its derivatives, Christianity and Mohammedanism, of course.)

This post also failed to publish: EOF while reading from control connection. So I'll wrap it up.

A New Staff Position?

(3)

President Bush is flying pretty low in the polls nowadays, and there is much speculation concerning how to raise the numbers, so to say. There is even talk of a new staff position, perhaps 'cabinet level,' which would be charged with the task of keeping the administration on a politically popular track. I have a suggestion for such a new cabinet level position.

The new position would be called, simply, 'Media Advisor,' or 'Secretary of the Media.' It would be the job of the Media Advisor to watch tv, listen to radio, and read the newspapers, all for the purpose of advising the president on the 'current national pulse.' It seems to me that this administration in particular would benefit from such a new staff position.

It would be a powerful position, of course, with various sub entities who would spy on the media of other nations in order to present the president with a global version, a global pulse if you will. I think that such a position would greately enhance White House performance in the Information Age.

Ugly Dog Contest

(2)

The eleventh annual 'ugly dog contest' was held in San Diego this week. It must be parody of sorts, but there was video of some pretty ugly little dogs. As I watched the piece it hit me that if you had a really ugly little dog and you really wanted to win that contest and that ugly little critter was a male, then you could enhance his ugliness by circumcising him. It seemed a reasonable idea at first.

But as I thought about it for a while it dawned on me that the likely result would not so much be admiration as revulsion. Your ULD would never win such a contest. Why? Because the UDC is really a CUDC, not a RUDC.

And as I thought about it even more it seemed to me that you risked being charged with animal cruelty in such an event.

As I thought about even more I wondered whether your canine innovation would bring you appropriate infamy. Not bloody likely. How could a Circumcised American Media report such an event? It seemed to me that at the very worst you would be forced by the neighbors to put pants on the little guy.

I'm Back Early

(1)

Here's to Philo T Farnsworth.

I should probably mention that Kathy was about ten or eleven at the time of the squished gerbil incident. I had never taken her to church, and didn't really know whether she was aware of her mortality.

I have a few notes:
----------
finger testosterone test trivia (stomp)
ugly dog contest
new staff position
wiki-howto?
end of faith
Irish curry?
----------

The 'finger testosterone test' is supposed to indicate how mush testerone you experienced in the womb. Folks whose fourth finger is significantly longer than the second finger are presumed to have experienced more testosterone than those other folks. Seems to work so far as Kootch and I are concerned.

Speaking of whom, she made 'Irish curry' tonight at my suggestion. Kootch says it is 'passable' but I have yet to taste it. You make it with 'corned' beef.

I Can Hardly Wait

(8)

Which brings us to the subject of 'explosive compounds.' You know the meaning of that term, I'm sure. Take gunpowder as an example: gunpowder is a mixture of Potassium Nitrate, Charcoal, and Sulphur. Such a mixture is fairly stable under ordinary circumstances but becomes violently explosive when a spark is applied.

This is a metaphor for modernity: old and odious religion mixed with modern technology. The mixture is potentially explosive but lacks the spark which produces the explosion. Nowadays we are actually witnessing the creation of such a spark. The resulting explosion should be fun to watch on tv. I can hardly wait!

Rejoice!

(7)

'You will die some day and you will never return. Sorry.'

What a dreadful message to have to convey to your six year old child! I know because I was faced with that scenerio. I avoided telling that news to my oldest daughter, then to my youngest daughter. But one day Kathy accidentally stepped in her pet girbil, killing it, and I had to explain death to her. I don't remember whether I told her that she would also die like that gerbil or whether I left the bad news for her to deduce. In any case she seemed to accept the bad news with equanimity.

Nowadays I know enough not to avoid the subject. Nowadays my most existential message to my children would be something like, 'Someday you will die and you will never return. Rejoice!'

You Will Die Some Day Forever

(6)

Not to suggest that my Kaiser coag unit is not faithfully tracking my INR - not at all. They call me or write me a letter after every test, and I place my faith in those lovely (tap) folks. But it's nice to have a backup, especially when you're as paranoid as I am. So now, as I punch a hole in my hide every day (several boom-booms from above) I use the occasion to judge 'bleedibility.' So far so good.

Which brings us to the question of, 'faith.' Is 'faith' a good thing? Good question. I can only approach the answer to such a question: faith is a very big idea. But you know me: I am wondering about 'religious' faith. Is 'religious faith' a good idea?

This question excludes more than ninety percent of all 'faith,' maybe more than ninety nine percent of all 'faith,' leaving only 'religious faith.'

In answer to the question I would suggest that 'religious faith' is a 'mixed bag' which depends on historical context. In the old days, religious faith comforted the old and the dying. Religious faith also comforted the living, relieving them of the burden of religious introspection.

Furthermore, religious faith allowed parents to avoid the one fundamental message their children absolutely needed to know: 'You will die some day forever.'

A Sure-fire Test!

(5)

I watched the Academy Awards, of course, intermittently, between bouts of C-III. Tivo works well for this sort of thing. I watch the event mostly for the sex. My two favorites of the evening were J-Lo and Jenniffer Garner. Pussimi Maximi.

A missive from E-Trade arrived today. Seems my account is not closed after all, and still contains eighteen cents. This could be bad news. Will mister account manager review my unclosed account? And if so will MAM charge me the usual account management fee? Will I soon get another missive from E-Trade billing me for the usual AMF? Will I soon owe E-Trade $38.82? We shall see.

Seems that Kootch and I are at risk for type-II diabetes, and that both our recent 'fasting blood sugar' readings are within the suspect range. So I ordered a blood sugar test kit from Kaiser and am now in the process of testing blood sugar. Kootch has yet to 'sign on,' but I am now quite familiar with the test procedure (ouch).

I find the test convenient for verifying that my INR is not going through the roof.

As you know my previous verification procedure was related to BBF (Bible Booger Frequency); however, the god apparently cured that cause of bloody snots, leaving me in the dark about INR. My backup plan (to shave off the skin cancer above my upper lip every two or three weeks) served in a back-up capacity, but now I have a sure-fire everyday test! I love it!

Interesting

(4)

To make a long story short I misjudged the descent to the Dubai ILS course and had to do a 360 before beginning the final approach. The landing was moderately jolting as I allowed the airplane to settle a bit fast during the last 4 or 5 feet. Most of the passengers were drunk by that time anyway and didn't mind it a bit.

Is this a shameless plug for Flight Simulator? Of course.

Which brings us to the Dubai port deal, which seems to be kaput after a most (the mad tapper is running amok as usual and I have put on the earphones again - now being gassed with l-lung gas) disgusting display of political pandering to an ill-informed electorate. But I digress.

I made most of the ILS approach to Dubai on the AP as usual, taking manual control only about a mile or so from touchdown. As I replayed the final minute of the approach I searched for the 'seven star hotel' shown on CNN. No joy. But the flight was, 'interesting.'

In fact, this whole week has been interesting. Thank you, mister Bush for making the last years of my life so very interesting... I think.

The AP Will Kill You if You Don't Watch Out

(3)

As the airplane gained altitude I did my usual thing: I paused the game, selected 'auto-throttle' and 'auto-pilot,' followed by the un-pause key, then hit the 'gear-up' key. About then everything began to go haywire. The gear came up as expected, but the airplane began to assume an unusually nose-high attitude. This is a bad idea close to the ground on takeoff.

I was 'watching' the airplane from a 'virtual chase plane' at the time, and quickly hit the 'cockpit view' key and confirmed my worst fear: the airplane was about to stall, close to the ground, full of fuel. I immediately turned off the autopilot and pushed the joystick full forward, regaining precious speed, then began to fly the airplane manually while I (just began the second movement of BS#6) searched for the problem, which turned out to be a speed problem: I had programmed the autopilot for a speed of 120 kts instead of 220 kts. The auto-pilot was attempting the impossible: climb the airplane at 1800 feet per minute at a speed of 120 kts.

I then programmed the correct speed into the AP, got the flaps up, and directed the stewardesses to hand out complementary double shots of booze to all passengers who might have realized what was going on. Then I cautiously turned the airplane over to the AP again. It worked as advertised, and we proceeded to climb to ten thousand feet at 250kts. At our cruising altitude of FL250 the contrails were fun to watch, as I viewed the 737 from a very agile VCP.

The remainder of the flight went well up the the point of approaching Dubai.

Take-off for Dubai

(2)

Tonight's first music is Beethoven's Piano Concerto #5. I grew attached to this piece back in the late '70s when we would all try to assemble a puzzle on the coffee table while stoned on pot. It was a fascinating and hilarious experience.

CNN did an interesting piece on Dubai recently, which prompted me to fire up Flight Simulator 2004. Since my last Flight (to Phuket?) more than a year ago I apparently forgot most of the keyboard commands, so I had to relearn them. But the experience was well worth the effort, as I finally took off from Riyadh, Saudi Arabia heading for Dubai.

Strangely, ATC could not be contacted when I was ready for take-off. There I was at the active runway ready to taxi into position for take-off and something was wrong: when I attempted to call the tower the game suggested that I call ground control, and when I attempted to contact ground control the game suggested that I call the tower.

After bouncing back and fourth several times I decided, 'Screw ATC I'm gonna take off.' I then taxied my B-737 onto the active runway and smoothly advanced the throttles to full power. The airplane responded with normal acceleration, and we soon reached 'rotation speed.' I pulled back on the yoke (in my case a joystick (eheh)) and the nose of the airplane rose to about 15 degrees. In seconds we were airborne.

Fun Stuff

(1)

That was fun. It's always a pleasure to see that I didn't write something stupid the previous week.

Kootch and I continue to have fun with M. We've invented a little system to make it even more interesting: betting quarters. For example, whenever there is an 'ask the audience' question we bet on the percentage of the audience which will correctly answer the question. One of us goes first with a guess, then the other guesses either +1 or -1. As time goes on we will probably do some elaboration on that general theme. Today's score: even.

Nighty-Night

(13)

These are questions for next week. Nighty-night.

On Meeting God

(12)

I am not at all tempted to give the god any ideas, of course, with this blog. Although I am 'certain' that the god does not read this blog, I am unwilling to speculate on the miniscule possibility that such a god would indeed spend his valuable time reading this dumbass blog.

If I really thought that the god actually read this blog... then what would I do? What should I do (tap)? Eheh.

First of all, of course, I would continue in the same vein, so to say: theoretically you can't fool the god and I wouldn't try. So I would continue to flip-off the god and to call him/her/it 'Idiot' whenever I deigned to addressed that deity. Would such behavior doom me to hell forever?

Is the god so... brittle? Does the god not have a sense of humor? Is the god not tolerant?

Is the god insecure, egowise? Does the god feel psychological pain when verbally attacked?

Does a 'flipped-off' god become enraged?

What Would a Busy God Do?

(11)

If you are Pat Robertson or Walter Gerash you will be ecstatic, which is the very definition of Heaven. Isn't it? Or is it...?

If you will permit me another conjecture hereabouts, let us suppose that the god was so busy managing the events in the universe that he or she had no time to worry about your dumb-ass opinions concerning his or her deity. In other words, suppose that the god simply did not have the time to observe your taudry little lives from moment to moment since the beginning. What then?

In that hypothetical case you will arrive at the Last Judgement persona incognita, so to say: the god will have no clue concerning where to direct you in the 'afterlife.'

The question is this: What would a busy god do in such a circumstance?

A Win-Win-Win Situation

(10)

I just checked up on the number of beers I have consumed tonight: ten. So I am averaging one beer per post. Not bad! I have six left (four from last week - I must have drunk way too much whiskey last week). I plan to save those six beers 'til next friday night, then possibly throw in a mix consisting of Diet Pepsi and a half-pint of Canadian whiskey. Will that work? Stay tuned: might work, might not.

I know that some of you are wishing that I will 'see the light' and give up booze and convert to (take your choice: a-Christianity, b-Mohammedism, c-Juda(boom)ism, d-Other). I know that. You think my heart is in the right place and that I deserve to be saved from eternal hell. Thank you for your concerns, don't hold your breath. Think of it this way: when you finally go to the Heaven you can inquire as to the final whereabouts of Yours Truly. The god will certainly grant your request. If I am in hell, then you will have the pleasure of watching me burn (if you are a Christian). If you are Jewish/Muslim then you will have the pleasure of watching my circumcision first, before the burning. If you are the Other, then you can take your choice of eternal punishment according to whatever your taste might be.

It's a win-win-win situation.

A Bit Too Late

(9)

The more I use Blogger the more convinced I am that the date/time issue is simply a (tap) Blogger innovation. Remaining issues:

Why does my browser (Windows XP) always open two Email windows?

Port Deal: I agree with Bush. This is bizarre because I think that Bush is by far the dumbest president ever elected.

India Deal: I'm not sure about this yet. Is this deal designed to create a super anti-Muslim axis?

Bush vs Adolph: Some HS teacher has got his dumb ass in trouble by comparing Bush to Hitler. If he had been a college teacher then I would be on his side philosophically (if not emotionally), but the sucker is propagandizing intellectually defenseless high school students. Hmm. One wonders when those idiots in high school will become 'philosophically mature.' In Iraq? But isn't that a bit too late?

An Excremental Miracle

(8)

The water level rose slightly, but then subsided. The potty worked! My embarrassing turd had disappeared!

I flushed the potty again several times before calling Kootch in to witness the miracle. Kootch was impressed. I suggested to Kootch that my turd had actually cured the potty problem. I attributed theraputic qualities to that turd. Kootch, getting the joke on some level, went along with me: my shit actually had magical power! We laughed.

Kootch wondered whether we should call Roto-Rooter and cancel the call. I declined, telling her to give me the phone when they called back. When they eventually called I told them that we had 'changed our mind.'

End of turd story.

Expecting Disaster

(7)

Kootch assigned to me the task of calling the plumber. I called a logical local number (local Roto-Rooter) and described the problem. They said that a plumber would be available within two hours and that they would call back before said plumber arrived. Several hours passed with no call and no plumber.

Then I had to 'use the facility' again. When you gotta go you gotta go (several taps from above as I type this), so I did it again, curious how the potty would work. Would the plumber be treated to one of my turds floating in a disfunctional potty? How embarrassing! But that was his problem. Doesn't he make good money for that unfortunate aspect of his job?

I checked out the turd before flushing it, of course: long, brown, no sign of occult blood. Then I deflected the lever, expecting a disaster.

Parsimonius Potty

(6)

Before I get too far gone tonight I would like to relate the strange case of the Theraputic Turd (delayed wallboom). I swear that the following is absolutely true:

After 'using the facility' the other day I flushed the toilet as usual, and noticed that instead of flushing normally the water level rose almost to the top. There was some (tap - Gerash likes this subject) draining of the toilet bowl as evidenced by the usual counterclockwise(?) water motion. Then after several seconds the water level began to go down rapidly, resulting in the situation where there was minimal water at the bottom of the potty after that well-known 'sucking potty sound.' It was as if there had been a partial obstruction in the pipe which had suddenly been cleared. Curious, I flushed the potty again.

The potty behaved in exactly the same way: apparently partially blocked at the beginning of the flush then suddenly open as if the obstruction had been cleared. I did the potty flush several more times with the same result. Then I called Kootch into the potty so that she could observe this unusual potty behavior. I explained to Kootch that this indicated a potty problem which ought to be addressed by a plumber. Kootch watched as I repeated the experiment of flushing the potty, several times.

Ave Maria

(5)

One of the main attractions of Ave Maria will be the largest cross in the universe. When I heard that I thought, 'No true Jew could tolerate that!' So it is not at all surprising that the ALCU is trying to stop the idea.

I was amazed at the number of lies emmitting from the two interviewees. It was as if they had absolutely no sense of self-observation (like me when I'm drunk). But I loved it.

A Little Anti-Semitism

(4)

(The taps seem to be morphing into stomps.)

A little anti-Semitism is not a bad thing if it is based on a dubious attitude toward 'healthful circumcision.' (yep. The taps have definitely morphed into wallbooms.) I bring this subject up as a sort of counterweight to the next subject, which now follows:

There was an interesting piece (now we're back to taps) on morning tv concerning a proposed new city in Florida. Seems some billionaire Catholic wants to create a Catholic city in southwestern Florida to be named, Ave Maria. This new city will be free of sexual 'vices.' No condoms will be sold in the new city. No fucking will be tolerated unless the participants are married. The city is to be constructed around a Catholic University of the same name. The university will teach, of course, Catholic ideas otherwise known as, 'traditional values.'

As I was watching this amazing piece I thought, 'The Florida Jews are gonna hate this! I love it!'

So I kept this amazing piece on tivo for later reference.

The Nazi Salute

(3)

Seven minutes 'til Evening News time. I don't trust the phone line so I'll hang it up until 1800... Ok I'm back. Six 3.2 beers so far, and my main interest tonight is to avoid a repeat of last week's disaster. Hmm. That would make it about one beer every 30 minutes or so (several taps as I wrote the above, so I've put on the earphones).

As I review the unaddressed notes from last week one of them stands out: the Nazi salute. Was the NS a phallic symbol representing a virile German (uncircumcised) penis? If so, was that salute a deliberate rebuff to the Jews of Germany who may have been in the midst of circumcising German infants in the name of 'health?' And if so, was that salute the result of a conscious evaluation of the existing penile situation? Or was it, rather, a totally subconscous invention based on the then current 'penile health facts.' One wonders.

My conjecture is that the Nazi salute was a German phallic symbol which arose in the German Collective Unconscious, and which was based on a reaction to the singlemost international Jewish imperative: 'Circumcise them all!'

Were six million European Jews slaughtered because of an unconscious realization on the part of the Nazis that the National Penis was in peril?

Amazing Stuff

(2)

Blogger seems to be operating normally so far this week except that it alsays (tap above every time I make a typo) opens the editor sans the date/time window. So I've concluded that this is a recent Blogger innovation, not hackery.

Concerning last week's disaster, I did a little investigation of Blogger 'mechanics' and discovered the 'post and comment options' in the 'compose frame.' I also did some troubleshooting of the failed (stomp) links in (http://rbdsnotes.blogspot.com/) Daily Scratchpad. The problem seems to have been an extra 'http://' prefix. Still don't know how that can happen. Anyway, I fixed the links, if you're interested.

By the way, I got most if not all of those links at Clicked (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6409077/), Which is an amazing source for interesting stuff on the web.

Is the Cure Better Than the Disease?

(1)

Wow. Where was Daruma when I needed him?! Does he take Friday Nights off? Could well be...

I'm in a much better mood this friday, for some reason, in spite of the fact that I was gassed (with the usual skin gas) from about 2230 to about 0120, plus, the Mad Tapper has been bugging me since I woke up around 1000. My only respite from the old fool up above was during my shopping trip to KSS this afternoon.

The good news is that nighttime gassing has been very light or nonexistent all week except for last night. Other news is that they have apparently stopped their rat allergen attack, for now. The last rat itch happened last friday afternoon. I responded by getting into the shower in my shorts and squirting hot water on the offending lower leg. Kootch wondered what I was doing in the shower with my clothes on and I told her about 'leg orgasms.' No rat attacks since then.

I've concluded that the old faggot Gerash has made a judgement call to the effect that, 'The cure is better than the disease so let's get rid of the disease.'