Are You Interested?

(10)

Which brings us to my last post for tonight: the question of whether we should announce a date for withdrawl from Iraq. Big question. Everybody seems to have an opinion on the question but I have seen little logic (aside from senator Hagel's ideas on the subject last Sunday) which might illuminate the question. So I thought I might do an interview. The following interview will be between two Iraqis: one, a Sunni terrorist recruiter, the other a Sunni loser ready to commit suicide over the fact that he has been unable to forge any kind of a life under present circumstances. Here is the interview:

re: We admire your determination to please Allah.
lo: Thank you!
re: We see in you a strong and determined force for Islam.
lo: Thank you!
re: We see in you the Salvation of Iraq.
lo: Really?
re: Really.
lo: Thank you.
re: We see in you a true warrior in the tradition of Saludin.
lo: Oh my God!
re: Really.
lo: I believe it! I am a true warrior of Islam!
re: Warriors like you have forced the Americans to declare they will leave our beloved Iraq.
lo: Really? When?
re: Next month.
lo: Allah be praised!
re: In the meantime we see your talents and we have judged that you are perfect for a suicide bombing we have planned for next week. Are you interested?

Re-lidding Pandora's Box

(9)

Which brings us to Iraq. If I am not mistaken some Iraqis are calling for the release of Saddam Hussein on the ground that (being gassed here with lung gas) the lid needs to be clamped down again on Pandora's Box. They have a point.

It seems to me that if we were to negotiate a deal with Saddam for oil in exchange for the money to rehabilitate Iraq (about another 500 billion dollars) we could reinstate Saddam as president of Iraq. Such a move would allow us to draw down our troops over the next five or ten years to the point where we would be in a position to deal with other threats like North Korea and Iran.

I applaud the idea.

Let's face it: we fucked up. We removed the lid from Pandorah's (eheh) box and now we are paying the price. We need to correct our error. We need to restore Saddam to power and promptly saddle him with the job for which he has proved over time to be so adept. We need to get the fuck out of Iraq and hang it all on Saddam Hussein. Again.

No Fear of God

(8)

And if, after judging you, She finds you wanting... will She burn your sorry ass in Hell? Forever? Do you deserve that? Obviously not. Maybe your balls need to be boiled in peanut oil for fifteen minutes. Maybe your dick needs to be stretched to the breaking point over thirteen years. Maybe a replica of Fat Man (the atomic bomb) needs to be slowly be shoved up your cunt (or your ass) over the next two hundred years. Maybe.

But how can She, in good conscience, burn your sorry ass in Hell forever? No way. It makes no sense.

It is a fundamental principle of justice - (undeniable!) - that the punishment must fit the crime. Do you - idiot that you are - think that God is exempt from that principle? I think not.

So as I sit in my living room watching The 700 Club with my right arm resting on the couch arm-rest and my forearm positioned vertically and my right hand formed into the Stinkfinger Mudra pointing to the heavens, I have no fear as I talk to God. I have no fear as I remind the sucker that He (She) needs to be watching tv as Pat Robertson prays for a miracle.

I have absolutely no fear of God.

No Such Religion

(7)

This leaves only Eastern Religion. I don't think that all of Eastern Religion is a Cargo Cult. It seems to me that some of the more sophisticated Eastern Religions (such as Zen Buddhism for example) are more correct in their approach to the human dilemma of life vs death. Western religion, 'carrot and stick religion,' is obviously wrong, that much is clear to me, but I am impressed with what I call 'the psychological religions' which originated in The East.

Not that I think any of those religions have 'ultimate truth which is yours for the asking.' I think there is no such religion. I think you have to forge your own religion as you go, that all true religion is personal, that there is no religion which fits all, no spiritual straightjacket into which we are all condemned to fit.

I don't believe in 'life after death' and the 'last judgement' but if I am wrong about that then I think The Almighty is sophisticated enough to judge you by your 'obvious religion.' By that I mean She will judge you by how you behaved while you were alive.

Cargo Cults

(6)

I claim that all of Western Religion is a Cargo Cult.

If I am correct then pope Benedict XIII (?) presides over a glorious cargo cult. All Jewish Rabbis everywhere preside over little cargo cults. All Muslim Imams and Ayatollahs everywhere preside over little cargo cults.

As I think about this I laugh and laugh.

(being gassed with lung gas as I review this)

A Terrible Mistake

(5)

Before I leave the subject of Pat Robertson tonight I want to mention a disturbing (to me) aspect of The 700 Club: it seems to exhibit aspects of a 'Cargo Cult.' Do you know what a Cargo Cult is? No? Then allow me to enlighten you a little.

I first became acquainted with the concept of 'cargo cult' in the film, Mondo Cane. This cult, which was a religious cult, flowered in New Guinea (or maybe it was Borneo) during and after WWII. The aboriginal natives there witnessed the operations at American air bases and, unable to understand the complex technology involved in the movement of cargo by aircraft, formulated their unique version of how 'cargo' appeared in the sky and was attracted to the proper landing area. They hypothesizied that all cargo came from their ancestors in heaven and that the Americans had somehow figured out how to hijack their rightful spoils.

So they built small 'airfields' on the tops of flat hills, clearing out small landing strips, and even adding rickety 'control towers' near the middle of their little air bases, hoping to attract cargo from above. They waited and waited. But no cargo-bearing airplanes appeared. They waited for months, then years because they had great faith: they were certain that eventually the ancestors would realize that the Americans had hijacked their rightful treasure from heaven and begin to deliver cargo to them.

It never happened of course. No C-47 ever tried to make an emergence landing on such a small hilltop airstrip.

But little by little, as time wore on, those same natives began to benefit from real cargo which made its way to them by a process concerning which they were clueless. Cargo Cults largely disappeared as a result, but not quite. I have no doubt that even as I type this there is, somewhere in New Guinea or Borneo, a Cargo Cult holding on grimly, waiting for the arrival of the day-certain on which their beloved ancestors will finally realize their terrible mistake.

I Approve Intelligent Design

(4)

Continuing on the subject of Science vs Religion I was happy to see that the Kansas School Board has tentatively approved the concept that 'Intelligent Design' can be taught in science classes. I think it is a good idea. You are no doubt shocked. Here is my reasoning:

The juxtaposition of Science and Religion would inevitably stimulate in those classes a discussion of Philosophy. I love Philosophy. Philosophy goes quite well with both Science and Religion, and indeed Philosophy is the only possible intermediary between them. Such discussions will be of great benefit to the students, who - I predict - will absolutely love it all! I furthermore predict that those students will leave school with a much more sophisticated understanding of the real world than they otherwise might have had.

All the World Waits to see...

(3)

Which brings us back to Pat Robertson. Poor Pat! He stuck his foot in it this week by calling for the assasination of the president of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez. An amazing (to me) media response followed, proving that I am not the only one who watches The 700 Club for laughs. Pat was pretty much raked over the national media coals Monday thru Thursday. I, of course, enjoyed every minute of it but I suspect that Pat was somewhat less than amused.

To Pat's credit he eventually apologized for his pernicious recomendation, but not before lying quite blatantly - on his own tv show - in an interview with Thor Halvorssen, president of The Human Rights Foundation. In that interview Pat claimed that he did not mean 'kill Hugo Chavez,' but only, 'kidnap Hugo Chavez.' Eheh. (Kidnapping is not mentioned in the Ten Commandments - unless this particular sin falls in the category of stealing - and Pat is big on the Ten Commandments. Very big.)

So what we have here is another apology waiting to be born. Will an apology to Thor Halvorssen ever see the light of day or will it be aborted ignomineously? All the world waits to see...

Any Idiot can do Religion

(2)

That is my theory. I claim that it is a scientific theory because it can be tested. Will Katrina hit northern Mexico? If not then my theory is kaput. That is the test.

'Not so fast,' you say? 'Even if Katrina hits northern Mexico it doesn't prove shit?'

You are correct. But in any case my theory has passed its first test successfully.

'Nonsense!' you say? 'Suppose Katrina hits Mobile at category 5.' Does that not blow your stupid theory?

My reply is that the theory is still viable based on a number of variables and at least one fact: Alabama has much less coastline than the other states mentioned.

And the arguments would go on and on. There would be polls taken of Pat Robertson's followers in the states involved and other states. There would be measurements of 'relative praying strength' based on such critera as how tightly the pray-ers held hands during prayer, and whether their eyes were tightly shut at the time and whether their teeth were clenched.

And I could go on and on but you get the idea: any idiot can do religion but it takes a lot of hard work to do science.

The Robertson Effect

(1)

The big news today is Hurricane Katrina. Right from the beginning this storm has been a problem. It was forecast to more or less circumcise Florida in the manner of a previous Hurricane whose name escapes me now, but it suddenly veered south, in effect cutting the folks in middle Florida a lot of slack.

Since then it has moved much farther west than predicted, and various computer models have Katrina hitting the gulf coast anywhere from Florida to Mississippi. What happened? I have a theory. I call my theory, 'The Robertson Effect.' It goes like this:

Pat Robertson's followers in central Florida have honed their prayer skills against hurricanes to such a high degree that they were actually able to influence the path of the storm away from them. Katrina is now in a semi-confused state, but is forecast to eventually head north again. If my theory holds any water at all, then as the storm turns north the folks in the Florida panhandle will begin to pray, which will influence the storm to turn westward toward the coast of Alabama. But Pat also has followers in Alabama. Those folks will also begin to pray.

I predict that (and this is what makes my theory a scientific theory) the folks in Alabama will be able to pray so hard that the storm will turn again to the west and head for the coast of Mississippi. From this point things become complicated: Pat's followers in Mississippi will no doubt be able to pray that sucker even farther (further?) west in the direction of Texas.

But don't mess with Texas! By far the majority of Pat's followers must live in Texas. So... what is a poor little hurricane to do under these circumstances? Head for Mexico of course.

If my theory is correct, the storm will make a sweeping left turn and hit the Mexican coast just south of Brownsville.

The Birds of Heaven

(12)

This is number twelve at zero one thirty seven and I am drunk as a skunk (thump). But I still remember that I have not fulfilled my promise of last Friday: something from BSR.

So here I am, celebrating the fact that I am still alive, and deigning to enlighten all you idiots out there. Listen up and listen good:

The First Saying...

The disciples said to Jesus:
'Tell us what the Kingdom of heaven is like.'

He said to them:
'It is like a mustard seed -
smaller than all seeds,
but when it falls on the tilled earth
it produces a large tree
and becomes shelter
for all the birds of heaven.'

Cure for Rectal Prolapse

(11)

Obviously I am not prepared at this late date to do justice to any sort of critique of Pat Robertson's pernicious penile prescription, being that I am on my twelveth beer and loving every sip of it. There is always next Friday. But just in case...

Just in case you are wondering how the idiot Pat Robertson could have presented a more sophisticated case in favor of sexual mutilation (circumcision) I will quote at length the list of 'human ills' for which circumcision has been historically touted to mitigate:

Well, unfortunately, I have drunk too much beer to present a credible (thump) case. By way of farewell I will only relate a single example from the early twentieth century: circumcision was thought at the time to cure rectal prolapse.

Delicious Situation!

(10)

I was so astonished by the Wallerstein book that I was tempted to steal it. I formulated the scenerio that I could 'admit' to the library that I had 'lost' the book and that I was willing to pay whatever price was appropriate in compensation.

But the seventh commandment seized me in time and I copied the entire book, which I have before me now. I then returned that glorious book to the Littleton Library, and since then I have not followed the history of that book but I somehow doubt that it still lives at that library
(lots of taps and booms as I wrote the above, most of which I ignored).

This leaves us with a most delicious situation: I have access to important information to which you do not have access! You will have to rely on me to inform you! I love it!

A Penile Non Sequiter

(9)

To put this entire situation into some sort of perspective, I was following the events leading up the the first Gulf War, and I had the brilliant idea that perhaps the coming (eheh) war might a war between circumcised Muslims and Uncircumcised Americans. But I was not certain that Muslims were (like Jews) circumcised. So I visited my local library looking for information (this was before Google).

I found the book, Circumcision An American Health Fallacy, by Edward Wallerstein. That book was a revelation. Wallerstein's book answered several questions in my life, among them the question of why my grandson, Charlie, had been circumcised.

Charlie was my first grandson (boom). Indeed, Charlie might be my only grandson. I don't know.

I do know that my daughter, Kathy, was quite upset when I asked her why her son Charlie had been circumcised (boom). She seemed to think that the circumcision of male infants was medically routine and that I was being asshole-istic about the question. She went on to advise me that her (boom) husband (tap) Mark was circumcised and that he approved of the operation. Kathy, of course, had never seen my dick. Mark's dick might have been her first view of that male member.

I did not press Kathy on the question, nor did I tell (thump) her that a Northern European by the name of 'Hansen' ought not to be circumcised.

Penile Practicality

(8)

Pat's 'health reason' seems to have been as follows: 'If you do not circumcise your sons now, while they are helpless to prevent it, you will have missed a singular opportunity to possibly prevent cervical cancer in their wives fifty years from now.'

Pat went on to say that infant circumcision is not as bloody and not as painful as some folks make it out to be, and that it is 'practical.' Practical? What could Pat have had in mind? Could Pat have been referring to the kind of natural parental care which tests whether the child's foreskin can be retracted at bathtime as time goes by and the child grows older?

To sum up: Pat was 'asked the question' by a viewer who doubted that circumcision was worth the candle, so to say. His reply was unequivocal: 'Do it to them while they are young and defenseless. Their wives will thank you later. Furthermore it is onerous to check, from time to time, whether their foreskins can be skinned back as the months and years go by.'

Out of the Closet

(7)

Which brings us to my favorite subject tonight: Pat Robertson. I TIVO Pat every weekday. My motive is information, current Christian events. Another motive relates to my love of the humerous. To me Pat Robertson's show is often quite humerous. I love it that Pat thinks he can communicate with God, and that he passes on little tidbits from God to his viewers.

Pat must have at least a million viewers, which fact makes him powerful in the Christian Community. I TIVO Pat for the entire hour, but if I'm in the LR I usually terminate the recording at the half-hour if the subject matter is uninteresting which is usually the case. So I did that around 1230 yesterday.

But when I came back to the LR at about 1250 I discovered that all major cable networks (CNN, MSNBC, FOX) were focused on the BTK proceedings. The only alternative was Pat Robertson.

So I turned up the sound on my main tv set only to be treated to Pat Robertson endorsing infant circumcision! I shit thee not, folks: Pat Robertson actually endorsed infant sexual mutilation!

For health reasons!

Entheogens

(6)

The 'choking game' refers to a story this week about children who choke each other in order to induce a mind-altering experience in the chokee. The idea is to cut off blood flow to the brain to the point of semi-unconsciousness. Then, as blood flow (and hence oxygen) restores brain function to the chokee, that person experiences a rewarding euphoria. It is a variation on the ancient mind-altering game which eventually produced human religion: drug intoxication.

The problem with the scenerio is that the game does not take into consideration the effect of the game on the choker.

Some years ago there was a choking craze of masturbators who 'hung themselves' just at the point of orgasm in order to amplify the sexual pleasure of orgasm by the euphoria mentioned above.

These artificial methods are not only deadly but unnatural: God put natural drugs on The Good Earth for a reason. Nowadays we call them 'entheogens.'

Not Yet

(5)

Is Cindy Sheehan anti-Semitic?

As I flipped through 'The O'Reilly Factor' a night or two ago I caught a blurb to the effect that Cindy Sheehan was 'anti-Semitic' because she thought that 'Iraq was all about Israel.' Nonsense.

I am anti-Semitic. Cindy Sheehan is not anti-Semitic. Cindy Sheehan is pissed off because her son was killed in Iraq. Cindy Sheehan has simply made the (obvious) connection between Iraq, Israel, a fundamentalist Christian president, the Jewish Establishment, a circumcised nation, oil, Bush family politics, Neo-cons (new age Jewish con artists?), and Jesus' immanent arrival.

How can that be anti-Semitic? That's Christian!

Clearly, Cindy Sheehan has (not yet) arrived at the conclusion that the Jewish Establishment, working with the Christian Fundamentalist Evangelical Community, has staked the National Existence on a dubious war with Islam, the objective of which is the viability of the fifty first state of Israel.

I have arrived at that conclusion.

Cindy Sheehan has not.

Yet.

The Most Important Quality

(4)

I was really happy to see that American women have a new look: plumper. I love plump woman. On the other hand I see skinny woman in a dim light. To me, a skinny woman is unnatural, and is a modern product of, 'queer eye for femininity.' To me, Male homosexuals have 'taken over' the fashion scene and perverted it to their own vision: women who resemble men (being gassed lightly here). The result has been a generation of 'models' who look like men. Yuck. This perverted (boom) ideal has caused much misery in Western society, including the well know eating disorders.

This is only my stupid opinion of course, so take heart girls, I might be wrong. On the other hand, if you are at all interested in the tastes of an old man who has achieved the status of 'expert on women,' then listen up and listen good: I like women who are:

Pleasantly plump, intelligent, informed, good-looking, feminine, reasonably assertive.

Not afraid to show pantie lines, bra straps, slips, thighs, panties under short skirts.

Warm, playful, teasing, hard-to-get, honest, integrated, aware, awake.

Who are good fucks.

The last quality is the most important quality.

Hope

(3)

There was a fascinating story from Russia this week concerning stoned cows. Seems there is a lot of Ganja growing in the fields which normally produce cattle feed for Russian cows, and since there is some sort of drought in the area the crop is being harvested, Ganja and all, and fed to the cows. The question is, will the milk get you high?

What interested me about this story was the newscaster's opinion that, for the stoned cows, time would fly ('time flys when you're havin' fun'). But as an old Ganja lover I can tell you that he got it wrong: time drags when you're on Ganja. We call it 'Marijuana time distortion.' That's the bad news. The good news is that you love every second of it.

So... there are a bunches of stoned cows in Russia even as we type, who are stoned out of little their minds, wondering where it will all end and hoping that it won't.

Clueless in Gaza

(2)

One news source put the number of American Jews in Gaza at about 1300. I had to laugh out loud at that. Think about it: thirteen hundred American idiots left the real Promised Land in order to live in psuedo promised land! I remember an interview with one totally clueless woman from New Jersey(?) who could not believe that she would actually be evicted. She was waiting for a 'miracle from God.' She was waiting and hoping for a miracle from the same god who refused to hear the prayers of Auschwitz. As I watched this pathetic woman I conjured up the title of this post.

Facts on the Ground

(1)

I actually went on to drink 14 beers (all 3.2 Natural Lights), and tonight I have 14 more, 2.5 of which I have already consumed.

Tonight's notes read:
Clueless in Gaza
Stoned cows
Women's new look
Cindy Sheehan - anti-Semite?
The choking game
Pat Robertson's pernicious prescription
BTK

Concerning the first note, the big news this week has been the Israeli evacuation of their settlements in Gaza. It seems, from what I have been able to glean from various newscasts, that the Israelis reached the conclusion that those settlements were too expensive to maintain. The settlements were also (small stomp above me) a political liability vis the USA (not to mention the rest of the West) which opposes excessive settlement of Arab Land. Furthermore, the Israelis are convinced that the American Jewish Establishment can guarantee that the US Congress - circumcised though it may be - will appropriate 2.2 billion taxpayer dollars to finance that Israeli project.

As I watched the spectacle on tv all week I learned a lot about 'playfighting,' but not very much about 'substance' until I saw an interview with Anan Ashwari (?) who put the situation in immediate perspective: 9000 Jews (more or less) had invaded Gaza, home of 1.3 million Arabs, and 'appropriated' 40 percent of the land and 60 percent of the water, leaving the Arabs to live in poverty. The Jews destroyed thousands of homes, uprooted trees, destroyed crops and generally fucked up Arab life in Gaza.

But apparently 1.3 million Arabs outfucked 9000 Jews as you would expect, and the 'demographic problem,' which is the 'elephant in the closet' so far as Israel is concerned, trumpeted a certain sense of reality into the Knesset. Did I get that right?

One point three million facts on the ground beats nine thousand facts on the ground every day.

The Mustard Seed

(10)

Rather than present my personal opinion of Bhagwan Sri Rajneesh I will quote something from one of his books, The Mustard Seed.

(Oops. Just after I wrote that My CNS rebelled. I'm afraid that I shall have to put my intentions off 'til next Friday Night. Stay Tuned.)

Buddha vs Abraham

(9)

I just noticed that my computer clock is more than a minute ahead of both of my satellite clocks. Hmm.

So I'm still here. Every time that fact dawns on me I celebrate. I'm still here! What a magnificient realization! It could be worse... much worse.

I just popped open my thirteenth beer. This may be a new record for me. So far tonight I have avoided whiskey, which I absolutely love, in favor of 'clarity,' or perhaps, 'lucidity.'

As I look back on the story of the guru Sri Sri Ravi Shankar I am reminded of the guru Bhagwan Sri Rajneesh, another Indian, who taught me so much. It seemed to me appropriate that I grant BSR equal time, and so here I am granting BSR more than equal time.

India has always produced the best gurus, beginning with The Buddha, who preceeded Jesus by hundreds of years and whose teachings probably migrated from India to Jerusalem and became a part of those ancient Christian teachings which we so much admire. In fact, according to the WEMS, 'Legends and sayings derived from Buddhism appear in The Gospels disguised as typically Christian precepts including the Golden Rule.'

The upshot of the article in WEMS (and other commentaries) is that Christianity derived from a Buddhism imposed on the substrate of Judaism.

Other religions contributed to the new synthesis, of course, including the religion of the Persian god Mithra who was born on the 25th of December which was called 'Birthday of the Unconquered Sun.'

I could go on and on, of course, but beauty calls. I will now go to the LR and put on some Mozart tapes.

Oops. I forgot BSR. So here is my tribute to BSR:

Nighty Night?

(8)

Which brings us to my last subject for tonight, concerning 'ringing phones and vibrating blackberries.' I got the idea as I switched between CNN and MSNBC, two of my favorite channels. Seems that some good-looking British-Indian lady on CNN had come in contact with an Indian mystic named, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. She sought enlightenment from the great guru with the question, 'My phone is ringing and my Blackberry is vibrating. What should I do?'

I have forgot the great Guru's advice, but I remember my own, which proved to me absolutely that I am no guru: 'Stuff your Blackberry into your panties and your forefingers into your ears.'

Nighty night!

Pink is my Favorite Color

(7)

Which brings us around again to Civilization III. Since my last blog entry I have won the previous game and am now in the middle of a new game. My first opponent was Mother Russia. I was literally forced to destroy Mother Russia or perish in the attempt. My next victim turned out to be Persia, with whom I also shared the same continent. Not only were the Persians attractive continent-wise, but they had achieved a Great Wonder, Magellan's Voyage, which adds one square to every naval vessel's range. I achieved the benefit of MV as soon as I took the city in which it was 'built.'

I made peace with the Persians after that, but since I had bribed The Greeks with gifts of (?) they went on to destroy the Poor Persians while us Romans prospered in an environment of peace. The war no doubt took a toll on the Greeks. I can't remember the other civilization offhand (there were eight in the beginning). My current position is that there are only two civilizations left besides me (Romans). I am currently allied with my perennial sweetie, France, and I am now in the process of trying to figure out how to persuade the Greeks to attack us.

I suppose that the wiley Alexander will see through my insults and refuse to attack my coalition. In that case I will be forced to attack the Greeks eventually. But our 'mutual protection pact' (with France) has only a little while to go now. My back-up plan is to declare war on the Greeks and then seduce the French into being my ally with 'wines.' Once the Greeks have been virtually defeated I will make peace with the Greeks on the condition that they become my ally against the French.

I call Joan of Ark, 'The Pink Lady,' because the French Forces are colored pink. Pink is my favorite color.

One last note while I am on the subject of C-III: at the beginning you should specify, Preserve Random Seed NOT. This will disable the randon number generator continuity and it will have to start all over again at the beginning of the next turn. You will benefit because it means that the future is not fixed: you do not live in a deterministic universe.

Have fun.

Sudden Change of Subject

(6)

A former journalist for CBS (...Goldberg... sounds Jewish-Neoconish) wrote a book titled, 'The 100 People Who are Fucking up America' (or something like that). I have not read it, but I love the idea. Is America being fucked up? Is George Bush in the book? Dick Cheney? Usama Bin Laden? Paul Wolfowitz? ...

Whoa!

I just watched the first third or so of The Mclaughlin Group. What a show! The subject was, 'Will the USA pay Israel 2.2 Billion dollars in order to assist in the resettlement of dumb-ass Jews who moved from the USA to Gaza?' The Group answered their own question overwhelmingly in the positive. Their consensus was that the US Congress will 'roll over' and pay Israel the requested sum. I agree. Here is my 'reasoning:'

Politically Correct America is under a Jewish Spell. The origin of this spell dates back to WWII and Hitler's persecution of European Jews (called The Holocaust). Since that time, when six million Jews were gassed and burned by the Nazis, it has been the essense of political incorrectness to be 'anti-semitic.' (By 'anti-Semitic' I mean everybody who doesn't absolutely LOVE All Jews Everywhere.) The Holocaust was something of 'Godsend' to the Jews, especially to American Jews, who, sensing after WWII that History had taken a dramatic turn in their favor, prosecuted the most audacious religious scam in all of history, circumcising many millions of Christian infants (tap) for 'health reasons.'

In reality, the circumcision campaign against American Christians was actually a 'conversion campaign' (boom). I have called this conversion campaign, 'The Greatest Scam of the Twentieth Century.' I still believe that.

Denial Doesn't Work

(5)

Which brings us to the 'Texas Stalker,' Cindy Sheehan, whose son was killed in Iraq. As I watched the piece on tv tonight I was struck by how much police protection was available to a 'president who was threatened by a stalker.' Wow! And I only have the pathetic ACSD.

I agree with those pundits who say that the prez is blowing it. He needed to stop his motorcade today and confront the poor woman face to face. Denial doesn't work.

Avoiding Disaster

(4)

Which brings to mind the only woman who could have 'abused' me sexually at that tender age: Sister Charlotte, who was in charge on our dormitory. Did Sister Charlotte have sexual designs on me at the beginning? I wonder. I remember that when I first met her she seemed to be totally unnatural. She seemed to love me immediately in spite of the fact that we had only just met. And she was ugly. Not only ugly, she was a nun! Yuck. My 'gut' as a 12 year old was even further disturbed by the fact that she placed my bunk just opposite her 'hospital bed' the first night I was there.

Nowadays, as I reflect from a more sophisticated position, it seems to me that maybe I detected the prospect of sexual abuse at an unconscious level and did the only thing which could save me from Sister Charlotte: I wet the bed on the first night. Sister Charlotte, 'getting my message' on her own unconscious level, and considering the prospect that she would henceforth be sleeping opposite my smelly bed, did the only moral thing: she moved me as far away as she could get me.

Which wasn't very far. I often wonder whether I would have fared better in Sister Marcella's dormitory where my brother slept. Probably not: My brother also wet the bed on the first night and whereas I continued to wet the bed for years, he was soon cured by circumcision.

So I thank my lucky stars that I was never 'cured.' What a disaster that would have been for me!

Beauty and the Priest

(3)

Beauty and the Priest refers to the recent delicious scandal in New York City. This latest scandal must have come (eheh) as a relief to New York Catholics who, among other Catholics, have been inundated in recent years by tales of priestly molestations of underage boys. 'Thank God! Some of them are actually heterosexuals!'

Then there is the case of Pamela Rogers, a good-looking school teacher who seduced one or more underage boys. Apparently she was sentenced to only nine months in jail and this has upset some folks. I concur with the sentence. Here is why:

Boys and girls are different. Boys need to actually enjoy the sexual situation in order to really participate, whereas girls can be forced to participate in spite of their revulsion. For this reason I see the two categories in totally different perspectives and I therefore agree with the judge who imposed such a light sentence. Maybe he, like me, wondered where this gloriously good-looking woman was when he needed her?

A Little Revenge

(2)

On a much lighter note tomorrow looks like great hangover weather! For once. I have a few notes:

People screwing up America
DSMIV - 46% will develop a mental disorder
'My phone is ringing and my blackberry is vibrating. What do I do?'
Beauty and the Priest
Pamela Rogers where were you when I needed you?!
Texas Stalker

I've also been thinking about a little revenge on Kaiser Permante, usually on my bike rides. I love revenge. Don't you? Yep, a little revenge. A little revenge sometimes goes a long way. Not that I am totally disgusted with Kaiser Permante. Not totally: they literally saved my life once. I may or may not get to it tonight, but a scenerio is beginning to take shape in my demented mind: I am imagining a sort of meeting at KP where a group of Kaiser physicians undertake to discuss 'my case.'

The theme will be that I have become 'a problem' to the folks at KP. They have therefore arranged a meeting where I will be represented by a 'patient advocate.' It will be a sort of trial. I am not present at the meeting. Indeed, I am not even aware that such a meeting is taking place. The participants will argue the question of whether or not it would be advisable to continue to provide me with health care in view of my recent writings concerning their 'fig leaf diagnosis.'

Should be fun! In fact, I have already conjured up names for a couple of the prospective participants. My advocate will be a Jewish lawyer by the name of Susan Goldegger. Another participant, my Urologist, will be named, Edith Mangele (being gassed with lung gas here). I'm too lazy to look her real name up in my drog, but I remember that she was a surprisingly good-looking woman for a Urologist (more gas).

I'll leave it at that for the moment because as I was writing it I was gassed with lung gas and also cut off, with the usual result: server not found. But stay tuned.

Rest in Peace

(1)

Peter Jennings died of lung cancer since my last blog entry. His death was quite a shock to me. I knew that he had the disease but I'd assumed that he was making progress against it. Peter was one of my favorite tv 'characters' and I will miss his droll sense of humor. Rest in peace, my friend.

A Sane Mother

(11)

The last post was truncated (the line was disconnected) just after I described the beginning (Acidwise) of the fifth movement. To recapitulate, I found the fifth (last) movement gloriously beautiful, remininicient of the second movement.

My 'investigations' during approximately 25 (eheh) Acid Trips convinces me that the best way to enjoy the solitary segment of such a trip is to listen to music you consider beautiful. And keep your eyes closed.

Of course there are social aspects to an Acid Trip, in my case, Kootch and the kids. Kootch always remained aloof, in control, while Kathleen and Jenniffer (and Kathy's husband, Mark) usually tripped with me. Kootch was our psychological anchor, our contact with the real world. I would often marvel at her absolute perfection as she conducted herself in the midst of my temporary beautiful insanity. It seemed to me at those times that Kootch was a god-like being with qualities far exceeding my own poor abilities and that she lived in a totally different world.
I knew at those times that it was an illusion, that I lived in that same world but that I was on an Acid Trip. But I can tell you that Kootch was our psychological center, our last resort.

That was so important. We could never have enjoyed Acid the way we did without the rock-solid supervision of a sane mother.

Beware

(10)

The second movement of BS5 is now playing (tap). It was my favorite. It was during this movement that I had my most glorious 'visions.' Those 'visions' began right at the start of the movement. After quite a few Acid trips I was able to correlate those 'visions' with eye movements, and it eventually became clear that the eye movements and the visions formed a kind of 'oscillator' where each fed the other. Apparently, the 'friction' of eye movement helped to generate the colorful visions and the colorful visions in turn induced eye movement. I'm pretty sure of that because I tested it several times. My eyes were always closed as I lay there on the couch listening to Beethoven, and I am certain that the friction of eyeball moving against eyelid was translated somehow into optic nerve signals.

The third movement is now on... I like it. I got to know it as the one before... disaster. My advice to you is this: if you ever do Acid and listen to BS6 at the same time then beware of the fourth movement.

Disconnections

(9)

lucifer: You are obviously referring to some fantasy.
me: Yes, a major religious fantasy.
lucifer: 'Religious'?
me: It's a way of thinking about everything.
lucifer: I don't follow you.
me: On Earth there are basically two ways of seeing reality: the religious way and the scientific way.
lucifer: I am beginning to understand. Are you saying that the 'religious way' is your alternative to the scientific way?
me: Exactly.
lucifer: And they do not agree with each other?
me: Exactly.
lucifer: How curious! I love the idea!
me: You don't know what you're saying.
lucifer: Again we seem to be disconnected.

You're a Snake

(8)

Well folks I thought I was thru for tonight but I just saw on The Tonight Show that President Bush has endorsed 'Intelligent Design' as an idea which ought to be discussed in the classroom. I have no problem with that. I think that the prez and I are in agreement here. And by the way, I saw on the 700 Club recently that Pat Robertson has officially denounced 'Creationism' in favor of 'Intelligent Design.' Bravo, Pat! You go fella! I was especially impressed by Pat's admission that the Universe was not created six thousand years ago, but was much older. I also liked Pat's characterization of the Universe as, 'beautiful.' My question to Pat is this: Have you been doing Acid, Pat? Or have you been viewing Hubble Photographs? Which? Both!?

I wondered what the Designer of the Universe would think of George and Pat's endorsement and so I conjured up an interview:

me: Have you heard the good news?
lucifer: What good news?
me: Both Pat Robertson and President Bush have endorsed the concept of Intelligent Design!
lucifer: That's good news?
me: Relatively good news.
lucifer Please explain.
me: It could have been worse. They could have endorsed Genesis.
lucifer: Genesis?
me: The Very Old and Odius Testament.
lucifer: Forgive me but we seem to be in total disconnect.
me: You never read Genesis?
lucifer: Never.
me: Too bad. You're in it. You're a snake.

Acid Eroicana

(7)

And having just now looked up the term, 'homoerotomania' on Google I can tell you with confidence that I did not invent the term.

Hmm. I'm listening to Beethoven's symphony number six, the 'Eroica' (eheh) and the third movement has just begun. I am filled with foreboding as the prelude to the thunderstorm builds. Here was the time when I lifted the arm of the record player and skipped the next movement. But I have the courage to face it now... argh! I still don't like it... argh... ahh. At last!

The last movement is utterly beautiful... Especially on Lysergic Acid Diethylamide Tartrate 25. But even on 3.2 beer (tap) it's still a little beautiful.

Homosexuals Don't Do That

(6)

I remember an interview with a Kaiser 'psychiatrist,' a certain Doctor Kosminsky, PJ. (I might have spelled it wrong.) When I suggested that Gerash was a homosexual stalker he said, and this is an exact quote: 'Homosexuals don't do that.' I replied that, 'Are you saying that there is no case in the literature of a homosexual stalker?' Kosmisky replied that, 'Be that as it may, you are in trouble, charged with a crime, and (you had better focus on how you are gonna get out of the fix you are in).

I have no doubt that Kosmisky was in on Gerash's 'game.' And still is.

Good golly misses Molly, I am creating way too much of a scene here for the fantasy which I imagined a few weeks ago. Time for me to wrap this up. One question: have I created a new word, 'homoerotomania?' I think I'll look it up.

Homoerotomania

(5)

The result was that I never found any form of 'support' in (tap) those two circles.

There was another crucial aspect to my problem: I had systematically (tap) cut off all contacts with other people. Part of this was an automatic result of being unemployed, but in the 'early years' (1980's) I made a conscious effort to avoid old friendships in order to eliminate folks who might be 'interested in screwing up my life.' In the early '90s I came to the conclusion that the only logical candidate was Walter Gerash and I eventually verified Gerash as my 'nemesis.' At the time I had no idea of 'obsession' or 'stalking:' I decided that Gerash's problem with me was an obscene case of 'Jewish penis envy.'

But it was much deeper than that: Walter Gerash was in love. (no tap!) Psychologists call it, 'erotomania.' I was wrong. Penis envy had little or nothing to do with it. Walter Gerash suffered from the much more debilitating problem of Obsessive Homosexual Love.

The Jewish Connection

(4)

The diagnosis was: 'delusional.' I was 'delusional.' I was imagining things which did not exist. Sheeit. I am the least 'delusional' person I know. YOU are delusional: you fools imagine gods and devils everywhere! But that is another subject.

The diagnosis provided a huge fig leaf which covered the unfortunate parts of not only Gerash but many other shady individuals. Such a fig leaf is necessary but not sufficient. Money needed to change hands for the fig leaf to work smoothly, and money was no problem for Walter Gerash (tap). Gerash paid off whomever he needed to pay off. It helped if those folks were Jewish, because they could bring themselves to believe any nonsense about this half-Irishman which Gerash might conjure up. Jews are almost always willing to believe the worst about Irishmen for some reason probably related to penis envy or phantom foreskin pain.

And many doctors are Jewish! In fact many psychiatrists and psychologists are Jewish. I would even go so far as to say that many hospital circumcisionists are Jewish, the Mohel business being already too overcrowded. Those Jews circumcise your children for 'health reasons.'

So Gerash's fig leaf diagnosis found favor for one reason or another in the culture of Kaiser Permanente and the Arapahoe County Sheriff's (bonk) Department.

A Fig Leaf Diagnosis

(3)

Which brings me to my intent to lampoon some of the 'psychologists' at Kaiser Permanente. Yasss...

Unfortunately I really haven't been cogitating much on the subject lately. But I do have a theme: 'One man's Diagnosis is another man's Fig Leaf.' That is the theme (boom). So I'll beg off for the time being except to say that Walter Gerash, obsessed homosexual, needed a fig leaf. Being filthy rich and having many contacts in the filthy unrich community he was able to literally buy such a fig leaf from Kaiser Permanente. Once the fig leaf was in place, so to say, he was able to pursue his 'hobby' virtually undisturbed by the forces of a civilized community. Moreover, the fig leaf was transferable. It was transferable to other 'innocent' physicians at Kaiser Permante.
Gerash's fig leaf became Kaiser Permante's fig leaf. The circle became complete.

Gerash (tap) was even able to export the fig leaf out of Kaiser Permanente into the Arapahoe Sheriff's Department with the help of his personal 'mole,' a certain detective Paul E. Goodman, PJ (probable Jew).

My Taste in C-III

(2)

Since I'm on the subject I'll describe my 'taste' in C-III: At the beginning of the game I always specify 'accelerated production.' This makes for a faster game. I also specify that the game can be won only with a military victory. This eliminates other less interesting ways of winning the game. Nowadays I opt for a world of normal size, 5 billion years old, with barbarians who are 'sedentary.' Lastly, I opt for the 'Archipelago' version of world, because I like to keep land masses minimized (less cities to manage and I like lots of naval action). C-III creates a new world every time you begin a new game, so you never know what you are going to get outside of those parameters. You discover your new world only slowly as you explore it, and as you pay other civilizations good money for their maps - or force them to give you those maps as a condition for ending a war against them.

It takes me about a week to get through one game (40+ hours of playing time). I always play Caesar of the Romans. There are many other 'nations' to play against and you are given the choice of whether to specify certain nations or take pot luck. I always specify the French, English, and Russians (boom), because I like the 'European Music' which plays whenever there is a 'conference' with the head of state after the Middle Ages. The Germans also qualify music-wise but the stomping above me becomes intolerable when I am attacking the Germans. It's bad enough with the Russians.

My favorite opponent is France. I love to 'negotiate' with Joan of Arc. Sometimes I sit here and listen to the music for several minutes as I watch her batting her eyelashes at me. I love it. In the current game I have 'been forced' to destroy the French and the Russians. Only the English remain to conjur up the magic music.

Bad Blood

(1)

Well, 'next week' arrived a bit prematurely, partly due to weather considerations: tomorrow looks like good hangover weather. I got my bike ride in just in time today, heading out right after the clouds began to block the sun and arriving home well before it started to rain cats and dogs. No lightening strikes even came close. There was a close one after I'd fired up the computer and loaded C-III. The power failed for a few seconds but my trusty back-up power supply simply beeped and kept the system running smoothly.

This leaves me at an awkward moment in C-III. I was just about to declare war on the Babylonians. My carrier task force has arrived in position and I am about to load 24 modern armor into three transports, which will take two turns moving that invasion force to the beaches near (Stomp above me - 'they' hate C-III) city X (I forget the name). I've already investigated the city in question (using the embassy) and discovered that there is no fighter defense in place, so I will use the bombers in my two carriers to pound the city before attacking it. Soon as the city is secure I will build an airport there. Once the airport has been completed more modern armor will be flown in to continue the offensive.

It will be a 'sneak attack' in the sense that I will declare war on the Babylonians only seconds before my forces hit the beach. There has been a long history of bad blood between me and the Babylonians. Naturally my ally, China, will be happy to see me arrive. Finally. Eheh.