Avoiding Disaster

(4)

Which brings to mind the only woman who could have 'abused' me sexually at that tender age: Sister Charlotte, who was in charge on our dormitory. Did Sister Charlotte have sexual designs on me at the beginning? I wonder. I remember that when I first met her she seemed to be totally unnatural. She seemed to love me immediately in spite of the fact that we had only just met. And she was ugly. Not only ugly, she was a nun! Yuck. My 'gut' as a 12 year old was even further disturbed by the fact that she placed my bunk just opposite her 'hospital bed' the first night I was there.

Nowadays, as I reflect from a more sophisticated position, it seems to me that maybe I detected the prospect of sexual abuse at an unconscious level and did the only thing which could save me from Sister Charlotte: I wet the bed on the first night. Sister Charlotte, 'getting my message' on her own unconscious level, and considering the prospect that she would henceforth be sleeping opposite my smelly bed, did the only moral thing: she moved me as far away as she could get me.

Which wasn't very far. I often wonder whether I would have fared better in Sister Marcella's dormitory where my brother slept. Probably not: My brother also wet the bed on the first night and whereas I continued to wet the bed for years, he was soon cured by circumcision.

So I thank my lucky stars that I was never 'cured.' What a disaster that would have been for me!