Nighty-Night!

(1)

After screwing around with my other blogs tonight I am beginning to wonder whether it is a good idea to 'merge' them all. I think not. Those blogs are devoted to three subjects: Philosophy (Non Serviam), Current Events (Daily Scratchpad), and Enough... (Stalking). I think I'll just leave things as they currently are.

Which brings us to the inevitable sign-off:

Sonia-Belle!

(5)

Before I leave you this Friday night I want to acknowlege Sonia-Belle: 'I love you Sonia-Belle. Your 'politic' does not matter to me at all. I think you are a beautiful woman and I wish you well... Sonia-Bell.'

But don't worry! You and I will never meet, Sonia-Belle! Never. Ever. So relax, Sonia-Belle. Continue to be your glorious female self... and I will continue to read your glorious blog...

Sonia-Belle!

Deeply. Very Deeply.

(4)

Down to my last beer now. If I want more booze it will have to be whiskey. Darn. (About 2300L.)

0105 at the moment (next day). I am sipping my second (and last) whiskey... listening to BPC1... enjoying The Moment... remembering the glorious female I met today... looking forward to next week when I will begin to roast Jewish Mafia ass... yasss...

Now that I have a 'target' in mind I will fry it! I will fry your faggot Jewish ass, mister Gerash, unless you and your Jewish Terrorist friends back off! Back off or I will wound you all...

Deeply. Very deeply.

We Are in Trouble

(3)

Which brings us to an equally schizophrenic aspect of American culture: the Bush Administration. Carl Rove, Bush's 'brain,' has recently escaped being charged with a crime by the current grand jury in the case, and has launched a counterattack against the Democrats, calling them the historical party of 'cut and run' (meaning, I suppose, 'cut your losses and boogie out.') He apparently refers to the Vietnam Problem of the '70's, when Johnson refused to run again.

Bush does not seem to realize that putting a politico in charge of policy is a blunder of the first magnitude. People like Rove understand only one thing: the Welfare of the Party. The welfare of the nation necessarilly escapes them. And this has been the Republican Malady since 9-11: those folks don't give a fat fornicate about the national welfare: they only want to be re-elected, and they'll kill anybody and everybody in order to achieve that goal.

And Bush, of course, is too dumb to figure it all out. We are in trouble (being RF'd here).

That is my political opinion of the week.

Pussy or Nothing

(2)

To continue in the 'penis envy' vein, I wondered today whether the Muslim antipathy toward tall Western buildings (such as the World Trade Center and the Sears Tower) was a subconscious expression of Muslim penis envy combined with the equally subconscious Muslim expression of economic envy. Do Arab Muslims combine envies in this manner? I think so. It must be clear to Muslims, at least at the subconscious level, that Minarettes are phallic symbols. I think they 'understand' that, even if they have not read Freud. Therefore the ultimate phallic symbols for Arab Muslims must be such Western symbols. Tall buildings remind Arab Muslims that Western technology in general and American technology in particular, are far superior to Muslim technology. They combine this subconscious realization with the subconscious realization that the Western (uncircumcised) penis is equally superior.

Furthermore they realize (again subconsciously) that the key to their economic advancement resides in the modification of their culture such that it welcomes the economic contribution of women. They resist that as a matter of Koranic imperitive. The result is that they are unable to arrive at a coherent world view. Their world view is schizophrenic. They understand that. Unable to live in such a schizophrenic universe they opt out in the form of 'suicide bombers.' To them it becomes a matter of, 'pussy or nothing.'

(alright! I recently went to the fridge for a beer and discovered that Salman Rushdie was being interviewed by Bill Moyers! Yes! Yes! Since 20/20 was on at the same time I put it on tape to be viewed later in a soberer cerebral environment. Yes!)

Juicy Situation

(1)

Well, I might have been a bit premature announcing that interview. North Korea is in the process of getting an intercontinental missle ready for launch. It seems to be an interminable process, leading observers such as me to wonder what the hell the holdup is. Can't they just pump it full of fuel and light it? What's the problem?

Meanwhile, the Bush Administration is studying the question of whether to try and shoot it down. And Japan is hoping that the primitive guidance system on the missle will put it eventually somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, not somewhere in Japan. Everybody concerned have their respective fingers crossed. Juicy situation.

I see the NK missle demonstration as (you guessed it) a sub-conscious national penis problem. North Koreans are revulsed by the thought that reunification with the South will result in immediate de-forskinization of the population. This 'missle test' is actually a hidden message to 'circumcisional forces' (South Korea and America) that the national NK dick will not be modified without consequence to the modifiers. I applaud that. I think that any agreement between South Korea and North Korea should include the sub-rosa agreement that the NK dick will remain unmolested by Judeo-Muslim-American forces.

The Ultimate Interview

(5)

Which brings us to the end of the interview with Ahmadinejad. In retrospect I found him to be highly intelligent, if culturally bemused. I did not 'look him in the eye,' nor did I determine his 'heart's desire.' Ah... remained opague in those regards. I respected his privacy and he respected mine. So he remains a mystery to me, as do I to him.

Which brings us to the next logical interview: that with the ruler of North Korea, Kim Jong Ill. I have been fortunate enough to obtain such an interview, which I will share with you next Friday night. Stay tuned.

I Still Don't Know

(4)

me: 'Rectal prolapse' is a condition wherein the rectum protrudes out, between the cheeks.
ah: Surely you jest.
me: You can't make this stuff up.
ah: And you Americans believed that Jewish nonsense?!
me: Apparently.
ah: (seemed to be speechless, as I recall. He then gave me the impression of someone who was trying unsuccessfully to suppress laughter. He ordered (again) that the cameras be turned off.)
ah: Rectal prolapse?! (At that point Ahmedinejad seemed to lose control. He fell off the chair in a paroxism of laughter, rolling on the floor to the amazement of those present, who seemed to become embarrassed at his strange behavior. After about 15 minutes of this he seemed to regain control: 'Rectal prolapse! Of course!'

I have to admit that I was mystified by his reaction to, 'rectal prolapse.' I still am. What possible connection can there be between circumcision and rectal prolapse? I still don't know.

What the Hell is Rectal Prolapse?

(3)

me: It took a while, but they finally convinced us that masturbation was evil, not only religiously but psychologically.
ah: My respect for Jews just went up another notch! Please continue.
me: They told us that circumcision would cure many illnesses and prevent many others.
ah: Logical. So enlighten me: which illnesses?
me: Standby while I read from a little book I have here... lessee... about 100 diseases or conditions including, alcoholism (eheh), ashma, syphlis, cholera, plague, gonorrhea, masturbation, eneuresis, paralysis, chorea, rectal prolapse...
ah: Rectal prolapse?!
me: Gout, feeble-mindedness, rheumatism, kidney disease, lunacy, tuberculosis...
ah: Rectal prolapse?
me: And I could go on and on, but you get the idea.
ah: What the hell is 'rectal prolapse?'

National Health

(2)

Ahmadinejad then did something quite unusual: he ordered that all cameras be turned off. Again. He then ordered some sort of a drink. A servant soon presented him with a glass of liquid, from which he took a sip after saying, 'Cheers.' I replied, 'Cheers.' I got the distinct impression that Ah... had just imbibed some forbidden (to Muslims) alcohol. I was encouraged enough by this turn of events to direct one of my assistants to hand me a can of Natural Ice. I then hoisted a toast to Iran: 'Cheers!'

ah: Cheers!
me: Cheers!
ah: We - you and us - are not so different after all, except in your unfortunate case.
me: I agree.
ah: (taking another sip) So tell me: how is it that America became awakened to the efficacy of circumcision? Do you know?
me: Yes I know. American Jews taught us the practice.
ah: Ahh...
me: Yep...
ah: (taking another sip) You know, Jews aren't so bad after all.
me: I suppose not.
ah: So tell me: how did The Jews convince The Great Satan to circumcise Himself?
me: Health. They taught us that it was healthy.
ah: And how was it healthy, exactly?

Thank You Very Much

(1)

I replied that most Americans were also circumcised, hence no problem. Ah... seemed to be surprised:

ah: Americans are circumcised!?
me: Exactly.
ah: But Americans are Christians. Christians have not been circumcised since (?).
me: Yes, but circumcision became very popular in America in the 20th Century.
ah: (warming up) Really?
me: Really. The practice peaked in about 1980 but is on a slow decline nowadays.
ah: (sympathetically) Well that is a modern American tragedy.
me: I suppose so.
ah: Do you think America will be able to ultimately reverse this unfortunate trend?
me: I doubt it. I think the trend will continue indefinitely.
ah: So sad. All that itching... I am frankly feeling new emphathy for you and your unfortunate fellow citizens.
me: Thank you very much.

Stay Tuned...

(5)

It was then that I knew I had him. I'll save the rest for next week.

How is it...

(4)

Everybody laughed, including me. But instead of directing the cameras to roll again, Ah... chose to follow up: 'You are obviously uncircumcised,' he said. I replied that I was indeed 'uncut.' Ah... then suggested that possibly I should seek out the services of a Muslim physician who could relieve me of my itchy torment. I thanked him. I then suggested that since the cameras were off and I was in such torment, perhaps I could be allowed to scratch my itchy dick to the point of satisfaction. Ah... agreed magnanimously. Everybody turned their heads and I was allowed two or three seconds to scratch my dick. I got through the process just in time.

I was then ready to return to the interview, but Ah... would not hear of it. He seemed to be enjoying the moment. He directed (in Farsi) that the cameras remain in off mode, focused on my crotch. He was apparently planning to spring an attack on The Western (Christian) Penis at my expense. I was left with the clear impression that whereas the Western cameras were indeed turned off, the Muslim cameras were recording every second of what was going on.

Ah... then said something like, 'How is it that you uncircumcised Americans can live in such peace with your circumcised Jews?'

Thank Allah for That!

(3)

Which brings us to my promise to reveal the contents of an interview with the Honcho of Iran, Ahmadinejad. You have no doubt been waiting with 'bated breath for this interview. You might recall that I had arranged for me to be videoed from a wide angle, whereas 'Ah...' (this characterization saves me lots of time) was dressed to impress.

Unfortunately I am not able, at the moment, to provide you with reliable video concerning that interview. Therefore I will provide the following synopis (boom-boom from above as I misspelled 'synopsis):
----------
As the Muslim announcer/interpreter rolled on and on I did yet another 'foreskin scratch.' This time, Ah... frowned and requested that the cameras be turned off. He then addressed me directly: 'Do you have a problem with your dick? Does it itch?'

I replied that, yes, it itched, and I thanked him for his interest.

Ah... suggested that in such circumstances a dog 'licks.' I agreed, adding that I had a very short tongue. Ah replied, 'Thank Allah for that!'

Heralding the Emoticon Revolution

(2)

Blogger was down much of the day yesterday for some reason. This might be a good time to make a suggestion to Blogger. So here goes: Add 'emoticons.' Some of us never use 'emoticons' and are reluctant to become involved with such artificial devices (such as, for example, :)). We understand that emoticons add an emotional aspect to posts which might otherwise leave readers in the dark, emotionally. We understand that. But we loathe stooping to such a device. Couldn't you talented folks at Blogger ad an emoticon feature?

Knowing that You will eventually do the right thing, I remain your fervent admirer, RBD (otherwise known as adandot300 at comcastdotnet).

Where is Zarqawi Now?

(1)

Zarqawi's death is the big news recently. They say that he was still alive when Iraqi police reached him and put him on a stretcher, but that he died suddenly soon after turning away and mumbling something. Everybody seems to be celebrating his death. So far so good. But where is he now? Where is Zarqawi now?

Media avoids the question. In an attempt to fill in that 'media blank' so to say, I got involved. I conjured up three interviews: (1) With a Christian; (2) with a Muslim, and (3) with an Atheist. Those interviews follow. If you want to know the range of opinion concerning where Zarqawi is now, at this very moment, then you must read what follows:

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me: Where is zarqawi now?
ch: Burning in hell!

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me: Where is Zarqawi now?
mu: Fucking his brains out in Paradise!

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me: Where is Zarqawi now?
at: In the morgue.

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So there you have it, folks. Remember, you got it here first.

(Click)

(2)

Back from Enough... Well folks, this is the last alloted beer. If WHTZSNM still isn't in the mood to talk I'm gonna eat supper (Kootch cooked up a nice pot of curry) and play C-III. Standby while I dial 666 on the brown telephone...

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gd: Speaking.
me: What date is it in heaven? Quick!
gd: Date?
me: You know... day, month, year...
gd: You are under a misapprehension of some sort. There are no 'days' in Heaven. Time is static in Heaven.
me: Does this mean that You are in no way observant of the date 06-06-06, otherwise known as, 666?
gd: Yes. Why do you ask?
me: You know why I ask. Answer the question.
gd: You want Me to comment on the Roman emperor Nero?
me: Not really. Just checking. So you've read the book of John The Bizarre?
gd: John The Bizarre?
me: Revelations. You know who I mean.
gd: Even better than you do...
me: Granted. So... How's it goin' in Paradise?
gd: As usual. Nothing new here. Anything new there?
me: Yes. My readers are going to be disappointed. They were hoping for an explanation.
gd: Readers? Explanation?
me: Explanation of your telephone number, 666.
gd: You assigned it, not me. By the way: I tried to call you recently but Information said that your number is unlisted. What is it?
me: (click)

The Brown Telephone

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I hadn't planned on visiting Non Serviam today, but seeing all the fun The Media was having with this 'once in a century' date I gave in to temptation. It seemed appropriate under the circumstances to at least give WHTZSNM a call on the brown telephone and do a little 'small talk.' This could be tricky. I do my best brown telephone interviews (being RF'd here) when drunk, but I don't want to be hungover tomorrow. Ah, what the hell. I'll give The Sucker a call and see what happens:

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gd: Speaking...
me: Hello. It's me again.
gd: You?
me: Who else would call you on the brown telephone?
gd: At the tone leave your message. Beep.
me: Very funny.
gd: Time's up. (click)

----------

Hmm. WHTZSNM seems to be a bit testy today. Could it be the date? I'm off to Enough...

To be Continued Next Week if I'm Still Alive

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In the interests of securing the peace between Islamo-Unfashionism and Christian Unfunamentalism my 'followers' (I have a small cult) arranged for a face-to-face meeting in the interests of world peace. (Well... not exactly face to face. It was more like, videocam to videocam with an interpreter in between.) I consented to the interview in the interests of money. I was paid 500 dollars to do the interview.

I began the interview determined to make an impression on Ahmadinejad. I was certain that if he would only ask the proper question then I would have him: he would be 'dead Muslim meat.'

I prepared for the interview by having my assistants focus the camera from afar, showing my entire body. Ahmedinejad, on the other hand, had his assistants focus the camera on a close-up of his unshaven face. It was an 'unsymmetrical interview' right from the start.

I was wearing shorts, with a shirt untucked. The shirt served to cover my rather (sorry, Dan) large tummy. Ahmedinejad, on the other hand, was dressed in shirt and slacks - traditional Western attire. He looked slim and fit compared to me. But I digress.

Once the two sides had established a reliable connection the signal was given that the cameras were rolling and the interview would begin. Both Ahmedinejad and I straightened up and faced our respective cameras. The narrator/mediator began to introduce us. As he droned on and on I became visibly uncomfortable. I looked left and right - as surrepticiously as I could under the circumstances - then back at the camera. I smiled. Ahmedinejad smiled back. Finally, when I could no longer stand the itch, I grabbed my penis (actually the tip of the foreskin) between the thumb and forefinger (sorry) of my left hand. I 'rolled' the itchy spot back and fourth for about 750 milliseconds then relaxed the fingers of my left hand, which had been sort of 'hanging out' near my crotch.

Ahmedinejad seemed not to notice.

Tasty Stuff...

(4)

I just noticed that next month will be the the second anniversary of this blog which began in June 2004. Amazing. I also noticed the very first 'comment' which was obviously a 'Gerash-inspired comment' and which later caused me to 'turn off comments' as I learned more about blogging.

I think I'll save the rest of my ideas for next week, since I'm a bit too far gone at the moment to create a credible storyline. I'll just note in passing that after I used the 'bulleted list' and 'numbered list' features of Blogger, my 'previewed' text became darker and hence more readable in 'preview mode.' Also, whenever I hit CR the cursor skipped down two lines instead of one. I like it. From now on I'll begin in 'bullet mode,' turn it off, then proceed. Yas.

For now I think I'll read on. I like some of the early encounters with WHTZSNM... I'll look for them...

But wait: I need to set up something first: an interview with Ahmadinejad, honcho of Iran. I'd read an interesting interview with the sucker here yesterday (May 31) and my beady little brain began to conjure up a (phantasy) interview. Come to think about it, maybe I actually CAN do an interview with Ahmadinejad, or at least set it up for next week. I'll try it.