To be Continued Next Week if I'm Still Alive

(5)

In the interests of securing the peace between Islamo-Unfashionism and Christian Unfunamentalism my 'followers' (I have a small cult) arranged for a face-to-face meeting in the interests of world peace. (Well... not exactly face to face. It was more like, videocam to videocam with an interpreter in between.) I consented to the interview in the interests of money. I was paid 500 dollars to do the interview.

I began the interview determined to make an impression on Ahmadinejad. I was certain that if he would only ask the proper question then I would have him: he would be 'dead Muslim meat.'

I prepared for the interview by having my assistants focus the camera from afar, showing my entire body. Ahmedinejad, on the other hand, had his assistants focus the camera on a close-up of his unshaven face. It was an 'unsymmetrical interview' right from the start.

I was wearing shorts, with a shirt untucked. The shirt served to cover my rather (sorry, Dan) large tummy. Ahmedinejad, on the other hand, was dressed in shirt and slacks - traditional Western attire. He looked slim and fit compared to me. But I digress.

Once the two sides had established a reliable connection the signal was given that the cameras were rolling and the interview would begin. Both Ahmedinejad and I straightened up and faced our respective cameras. The narrator/mediator began to introduce us. As he droned on and on I became visibly uncomfortable. I looked left and right - as surrepticiously as I could under the circumstances - then back at the camera. I smiled. Ahmedinejad smiled back. Finally, when I could no longer stand the itch, I grabbed my penis (actually the tip of the foreskin) between the thumb and forefinger (sorry) of my left hand. I 'rolled' the itchy spot back and fourth for about 750 milliseconds then relaxed the fingers of my left hand, which had been sort of 'hanging out' near my crotch.

Ahmedinejad seemed not to notice.