My New Appreciation of Religion

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Needless to say, these recent events have engendered in me a new appreciation of religion in the sense that they have brought me closer to my Booger Bible. As my blood has become thinner my production of bible boogers has increased quite dramatically, especially in the mornings. So every morning nowadays I look forward to blowing the perfect Bible Booger. I then dig the little devils out of the paper towel and paste them into the Very Old and Odius Testament somewhere. Recently I've focused on Genesis, the story of Creation. My previous favorite section had been the story of Abraham, but it has become somewhat overboogered.

I take particular exception to the biblical account of creation because it is so manifestly absurd: God, for whatever reasons, decided He needed company, and created The Universe with us in it. In the beginning we seem to have performed the function of pets.

But God was not satisfied with mere pets. God wanted pets who followed rules. God's rules. God was not able to accept the natural behavior of his newly created pets.