There is No Santa Claus

(2)

me: Missed again, idiot.
god: And I was trying really hard this time.
me: I'll credit you with a near-miss. I jumped about an inch off the mattress.
god: Good.
me: You'll never guess what I was doing when you... 'called.'
god: I know exactly what you were doing. I can quote the statistics in detail if you like.
me: Not necessary. Do you keep such close tabs on everybody or is just me?
god: Absolutely everybody.
me: Just like Santa Claus?
god. There is no Santa Claus.