Only the Beginning

(3)

Don't get me wrong: I'd like to see a 'successful outcome' in Iraq, I'm just not convinced that the current course can provide such an outcome. In fact, I doubt it: how can a Western Christian Democracy which supports Israel win the 'hearts and minds' of a male-dominated Muslim World? Sure, you might be able to 'convert' the women and the children - might. But men run that world, not women and children. Only men hold positions of power in the Muslim World. Allah is male.

Furthermore Allah is circumcised. Muslims are circumcised. 'Circumcates' suffer from penis envy (boom). It is only natural. So add penis envy to the list. Do you really think you can 'win over' the heart and mind of an Arab Muslim who suffers from penis envy? Not bloody fucking likely. Muslim penis envy, in fact, may be the single most prominent obstacle to the installation of a Western-style Democracy in the Middle East. But there is yet hope: we must reveal our most unpleasant secret to them. We must reveal our national circumcision statistics, more or less.

Furthermore, we must never send an uncircumcised male soldier, sailor, or airman, to Iraq. Those folks should be held in reserve. Entire divisions should be reorganized, if necessary, on circumcisional lines. No Iraqi Muslim should ever be allowed in the position of being able to pull down the pants of a dead American soldier and skin back his dick for the cameras. Same with the fighting men in Afghanistan. In fact, I would suggest that no uncuts at all should ever be assigned to dangerous duty in the Middle East. Instead, we should send only our very best circumcates. And no dogs. If dogs are necessary at all to the mission over there then those dogs should be female. In the extremely unlikely event that one or two male dogs need to be sent to Iraq for special reasons, then those poor guys should be circumcised before departure, then spray-painted in military camoflage.

But that is only the beginning.