Is Jesus Anti-Anal?

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Let me be a little more explicit about the potty problem: Assume you are a born-again Christian sitting on the potty. You are in pain, about to 'give birth.' Is there an appropriate prayer for this situation?

The question is very relevant: Is god (or for that matter Jesus) paying attention to your potty doings? And if not why not? If you have really been 'created in the image of God' then how can god be detached from your anal distress? And furthermore why is Jesus so interested in your penchant for playing with your glorious penis or your glorious clitoris while at the same time ignoring your do-do problem?

Is Jesus anti-anal? And if so, would that tend to indicate that Jesus was pro-genital? That is good news if true. But who would believe it?