Now I Remember!

(7)

By this time my visual system had lost all control and there was no such thing as blackness. When I closed my eyes as I listened to the music there was a stream of visual effects, extremely colorful, which definitely corresponded to the music I was hearing. As I moved my eyes around to view this amazing spectacle, the very movement of my eyes under the eyelids seemed to generate even more colorful effects. It became a sort of oscillation: music generating color; eye movement generating more color; color enhancing music. All the while there was an underlying otherworldly structure to the colors which seemed to flow like a gigantic river before my very eyes. Nothing of This Earth was seen. No 'hallucinations.' All the while my body was in the grip of a truly gigantic buzz. I was in Heaven Itself, totally alone, with no 'god' to disturb me.

The record (33 rpm) contained the first two movements on one side, the remaining three on the other. I would usually listen to side one during the 'ascent,' and to side two during the 'descent.' By far the most glorious moment, in terms of sheer beauty, always came at the beginning of the second movement (which is now approaching, by the way... yes!)

My memories of those trips becomes a bit murky as I try to remember the approach to the dreaded 'plateau of chaos.' The one thing I do remember is that I would always say (to myself) something like, 'Now I remember!' as if only my current state could grant access to otherwise hidden memories.